Parents naturally want their children to build friendships that help them feel safe, confident and accepted. While it makes sense to pay attention to who kids spend time with, banning every friend a parent dislikes can backfire.
In Men’s Health, author Stephen Graham Jones describes using a playful question about musician Bob Seger to assess potential friends. His approach highlights how parents can get curious about their children’s social circles without turning every new friendship into an interrogation.
Rather than judging children by their clothes, interests or family backgrounds, parents should focus on how friends treat others. Firm boundaries are appropriate when friendships involve bullying, dangerous behaviour, substance use or pressure to break important rules.
How to Recognize If Your Child Has a Bad-Influence Friend
A friend’s influence may become concerning when your child starts acting differently around them. Watch for repeated disrespect, secrecy, declining school performance, unexplained trouble or pressure to participate in risky activities.
Empowering Parents warns that attacking a child’s chosen peer group can make them defensive. The article advises parents to focus on behaviour rather than labelling friends as bad people.
Notice how your child feels after spending time with the group, too. Do they seem anxious, excluded or pressured to change themselves to fit in? One disagreement or a difference in personality does not automatically make a friendship unhealthy; look for recurring patterns.
How to Talk to Kids About Friends You Don’t Approve Of
Start with curiosity instead of criticism. Ask open-ended questions such as, “What do you like about this friend?” or “How do you feel when you’re with them?” Listen carefully before offering your opinion.
The key is in asking children about their relationships without a judgmental attitude. Its guidance includes the simple invitation, “Tell me about your friend. I’d like to get to know him/her better.”
If you have specific concerns, explain them calmly and describe the behaviour you’ve observed. Set clear limits around safety, supervision and household rules, while helping your child practise saying no to peer pressure. The goal is not to choose every friend for them, but to help them recognize healthy relationships and feel comfortable coming to you when something goes wrong.
