When kids break the rules, staying calm can be easier said than done. Hoda Kotb recently shared the unusual trick her therapist gave her after one particularly stressful parenting moment.
Kotb recalled an incident when her daughter Haley, then 9, rode her bike away from home alone to get ice cream while a babysitter was watching her. The babysitter called Kotb to say she didn’t know where Haley was, leaving the mother understandably angry and worried.
Kotb said she was already “hot” when she arrived home because of what had happened. But before confronting her daughter, she remembered advice from her therapist that was designed to keep her from immediately reacting emotionally.
The therapist had challenged Kotb to spend a week telling herself, “This week, everything that goes wrong is your fault.” The idea wasn’t necessarily to accept blame for everything, but to create enough of a pause to prevent an angry reaction.
Before opening the door, Kotb told herself, “This was all my fault.” She then talked with Haley, learned that her daughter had been missing someone important to her and explained that, despite understanding her feelings, she could not ride away alone again.
Why Her Therapist Suggested a “Pattern Interrupt”
The strategy Kotb used resembles what’s known as a pattern interrupt: deliberately breaking an automatic response so you have an opportunity to think before acting. Kevin Eikenberry explains that habits often operate automatically, meaning we may react before consciously deciding how we want to respond.
A pattern interrupt is intended to bring that automatic behavior back into conscious awareness. Eikenberry describes it as a way to “jolt an upcoming action” out of an automated pattern, giving someone a chance to choose what happens next.
In parenting, that pause can be especially useful when fear, anger or frustration is running high. Instead of immediately yelling or lecturing, a parent can interrupt the emotional reaction and create space for a calmer conversation.
Could This Strange Parenting Trick Actually Work?
Kotb’s approach certainly sounds strange. Telling yourself that everything is your fault immediately before disciplining your child isn’t conventional parenting advice, and parents shouldn’t interpret it as literally accepting responsibility for every mistake their children make.
However, the underlying idea of interrupting an escalating thought pattern has some broader support. Thriveworks describes thought stopping as a way to “disrupt the thought, replace it with something neutral, then redirect your attention.”
Kotb ultimately said the technique helped her “lower the temperature” of the situation and understand why her daughter had left. The lesson for parents may not be to copy her exact phrase, but to find a personal signal that creates enough distance from anger to respond rather than simply react.
