As a parent, there is never a shortage of people offering up advice, tips and anecdotes, often unsolicited. What parents rarely hear though is something that can truly help navigate parenthood, the simple words “you are not alone.”
Let’s face it, kids are weird. They are strange little proto-humans that do things that make no sense, have truly baffling eating habits and if you’ve experienced anything like what I have, phone calls home from school about behaviour that is absolutely confounding. I’m often left scratching my head wondering what to do and wondering why my kid is doing the things they do.
However, sometimes I will speak with another parent at a birthday party or backyard barbeque about kids in general and they will tell me something about their kid that rings eerily true. They are having the same concerns and issues about their kid’s surprisingly similar behaviour that my wife and I are.
At that moment, I feel instantly better. Knowing that I am not the only one out there dealing with belligerently picky eaters and youtube obsessed pre-teens is a huge relief and being able to talk to someone in the same boat, exchange ideas and theories or even just hear a “hang in there” makes my own parenting journey that much less stressful.
Talking (Or Not Talking) Is Where it Starts
We live in a world now where the answer to any problem is supposed to be at our fingertips. The inclusion of AI into our worlds has even led to the ability to have answers researched for us and provided in real time.
But for some reason, parents often don’t use the most immediate resource: other parents. There is a certain shame and guilt that parents often feel when their child struggles. ‘I must be doing something wrong’ if my kid won’t eat vegetables or ‘its my fault that my kid doesn’t get Math, I don’t do homework with them enough.”
Self-criticism is rampant in parenting and it can lead to an unintended isolation that can cause a parent to spiral further into these feelings. There feels like there is a stigma to asking for help with parenting, I believe because those offering advice (good natured or not) are so confident in what they are saying, the person receiving it can’t help but feel like they should have known that already.
One Size Does Not Fit All
The hardest part about looking for answers is that often they just don’t seem to fit. Most parents have experienced reading a million books, articles or testimonials about kids, but the solutions or information provided doesn’t line up with YOUR kid. This is simply because like adults, kids are unique individuals and their needs are unique to them.
I’m not saying that there isn’t merit in research when dealing with a parenting issue. While a lot of stuff might not apply to you and your child, a lot of it might. The “shotgun” approach to gathering parenting information is not a bad idea, it’s just difficult to sort through.
What I’m saying is simply don’t forget about or be ashamed to contact and talk with parents in your kid’s school or social circle. Learning that they are going through similar issues, or that there is something happening with most students in your child’s class can make the things you find confounding so much easier to deal with, and its from that rational point that real understanding can begin.
To sum up, I don’t know who needs to hear this and who doesn’t, but don’t be afraid to reach out to friends, family or online columnists. Hearing “you’re not alone” might be the best parenting advice that a parent can get.
