Sometimes, it seems that we spend the first few years of a child’s life teaching him to recognize his body’s cues—when he’s hungry, when he needs a restroom, when he’s tired—and then spend the rest of his developmental years teaching him to ignore those same cues.
In this case, a teacher is offering a pretty reasonable rule about bathroom breaks, but the way she’s presenting it has parents upset. This raises questions about whether schools are endangering kids’ health by forcing or enticing them to ignore their needs.
What, exactly, is reasonable when it comes to bathroom breaks?
This Teacher Is Getting A Lot Of Attention For Her TikTok
Jade Barrow, a London teacher who goes by HomeLearningHaven on TikTok, said she was on her lunch break when she started thinking about the bathroom break conundrum.
This has recently come up when a parent on Twitter alleged that her child’s teacher was giving kids extra credit for not going to the bathroom, rekindling worries about how this affects children’s health, especially if this applies to multiple class periods day after day. Some students have also said they avoid using school bathrooms for reasons ranging from teacher control to student vaping and cleanliness.
Barrow, however, has an entirely different perspective. In her view, parents are getting mad over entirely reasonable restrictions and should talk to teachers before they believe their children.
HomeLearningHaven’s Rule Is Not On The Same Level
Barrow explains her rule and, spoiler alert, assures us that the longest a child has to wait to access the restroom is a few minutes, “at max like four minutes,” she says.
That’s a far cry from the complaints parents have about kids being unable to access a restroom for an entire class period, not having time to make it to an available stall between classes, and not being allowed again in the next class.
Still, she lays out her examples: the time that a kid wanted to go, and she made them listen to a partner read for three minutes first; the time that a kid interrupted instructions to ask and she made him wait until she was done; the time that a child asked after playtime and she made them wait until after the next set of instructions. She said:
“If I can see that they’re really bobbling and really desperate, then fair enough, I’ll let them go….What I’m urging parents to do is, when your child comes to you and says ‘my teacher didn’t let me go to the toilet’ check in with them…like why, what time did they ask, what was happening in that moment when they asked.”
Three Or Four Minutes Is Probably Not Hurting Most Kids, Most Of The Time
Is this really what kids and parents are complaining about, though?
Maybe some moms are raging out there because their child had to wait four minutes. Most of the concerns I’ve encountered are kids who are afraid to ask because of how they’ve been scolded for asking in the past, kids who are (as in the Twitter complaint previously referenced) being encouraged to deny their body’s needs, and kid who are denied access to bathrooms because of overzealous preventative measures for vaping and other misbehavior.
So no, what Barrow is describing probably isn’t a terrible policy, as long as she is making exceptions based on need, as she says. Hopefully, she isn’t expecting kids to perform that need visibly.
You can watch her video below.
Parents Aren’t Taking It Well, Though
Nonetheless, parents have responded strongly to her presentation.
Some took extreme positions, such as Barrow’s rule being human rights abuse. Others just disagreed with her. One said:
“My son had an accident at school yesterday because he was riddled in anxiety to even ask the teacher to go to the toilet out of genuine fear he will be told no, respectfully I can’t have that.”
Another concurred, explaining:
“I’ve told my daughter, if she needs to use the toilet, just ask to be excused once, if the teacher says no – walk out.”
Teachers weighed in, too, disagreeing with Barrow’s position. One said:
“Nope I’ve been a teacher for over 20 years and I’d never deny kids using the toilet. I don’t even expect the kids to ask, they can just get up and go without making a fuss. It’s a basic human right.”
Someone else pointed out that a child who needs the bathroom won’t be able to pay attention and absorb information anyway, so they might as well be allowed to go.
She Did Find Some Support From Commenters
Some commenters, focusing on the fact that Barrow promises she never makes kids wait more than 4 minutes, said that was “fine” since our kids sometimes have to wait four minutes or longer if they’re in the car or in a grocery store, or out walking.
One even declared that she doesn’t know how teachers “deal with parents nowadays,” which she describes as “exhausting.”
Another suggested that people who want their kids to have regular access to bathrooms should homeschool, which echoes what Barrow added in her video caption:
“If you want your child to recieve special treatment, mainstream state school probably isn’t the place to be sending them…some parents really are setting their kids up for failure in real life with all this pampering and entitlement.”
(And yeah, maybe calling bathroom access “pampering and entitlement” is what got parents so fired up at her)
Limits Can Be Reasonable — But Not All Bathroom Restrictions Are
A few pointed out that what Barrow describes isn’t the big issue. While not everyone is happy about the four-minute rule, one explained:
“I don’t think the majority of sensible have any issue with this. The issue is most secondary schools keeping toilets locked all day other than lunchtimes, and refusing genuine situations where pupils need to go.”
Another suggested that age is a major factor, and that smaller kids don’t always recognize the need early enough for it not to be urgent. She wrote:
“Teens I can agree but not primary school kids. When they ask it’s because it’s genuine. I’m sorry but it’s not up to the teachers to decide when they should go or not.”
For instance, the kid who came in from playtime, took off his coat, and asked for a bathroom possibly didn’t notice his body’s cues while running around and playing, but did when he sat down, folded his body in the middle, and compressed his bladder.
What’s The Right Answer For Parents, Teachers, & Students?
Ideally, there would be a school policy so that bathroom rules are not unequally enforced, and the rules would ensure that kids always have access to a need.
Parents should teach their kids that the bathroom isn’t a place for playing or vaping to escape the classroom, and should also teach them that if they’re using the facility for a need, they always deserve access.
There are currently no standards enforced or even policy recommendations from overarching education departments, which means that in the end, each teacher gets to set their own rules. For this reason, parents may want to check in with schools and teachers at the beginning of the year to ensure that they know what bathroom access will be like for their child and to give any necessary input.
