Small humans can have big emotions. Kids are not born knowing how to keep calm or manage their feelings. It is up to their adults to help them learn strategies and activities to self-regulate. We found 10 strategies, proven by science, to help calm down intense emotions, to help you show your child how to handle big feelings.
Now, all of these techniques might not be effective for your child. In fact, many of them might be a flop. Not all kids or situations will be a perfect fit for every calming technique. However, one of them might click with your kid and help them learn to manage those big, complicated feelings.
Give Them A Big Bear Hug
Many children, when overwhelmed, find a deep hug comforting. Hugs are comforting because they provide deep pressure and proprioceptive input. According to Sienna Smiley, an Occupational Therapist, “Using deep pressure can help modulate the autonomic nervous system, reduce anxiety, promote body awareness, and support self-regulation.”
Not all kids want to be touched when they are upset. In fact, with some children, this could escalate the situation. It is important to listen if your child says or shows you this technique is not calming for them.
Have Your Child Give Themselves (Or A Stuffed Animal) A Big Squeeze
If your child is one of the many who finds being hugged by their grownup (who may be the one they are upset in the first place) upsetting when distressed, they might benefit from giving themselves a hug. Self-hugs allow children to receive the same calming, deep pressure and benefits discussed above. They can also hug a favorite stuffed animal if they prefer.
Bonus: even if your child is away from you, they can still use this calming strategy independently. This technique can benefit children who physically lash out, shoving or hitting, when upset. It is modeling a more appropriate way to use their hands
Take Deep Breaths
Changing how you are breathing can change your mood and even your heart rate. By teaching your child to take deep breaths, you teach them how to calm their body down.
How do you teach your child to take deep breaths? To be most effective, do not try and teach the method during a crisis. Instead, show them how their chest rises and falls with every “big” breath during a calm time. There are also many children’s books about taking deep breaths that can be an excellent tool in introducing this method to your child.
Blow Bubbles
If your child resists taking deep, calming breaths (or just seems not to grasp the concept), introducing a prop can help. Bubbles are a great option because most kids enjoy blowing bubbles, involving big inhales and exhales.
Other tools that might help your child master deep breaths include pinwheels and dandelions. Once they have mastered the prop, in high-emotion times, you can tell them to “pretend you’re blowing a big bubble” to transition them to a more straightforward, objectless method.
Counting
When your kid is stressed, clearing their mind and counting (up or down) can help them calm. According to North Shore Pediatric Therapy, counting helps because it is a focused activity that requires focus.
How high a number your child counts will be different depending on age and ability. For a 2-year-old, counting to 10 or even five might be sufficient. However, an eight-year-old might need a far higher number.
Clench and release your fists
Big feelings sometimes need physical movement to be resolved. This is why some kids, when agitated, may throw toys, hit, or shove. However, do not worry; there are ways to channel that energy productively before it becomes aggression.
Physical ways of calming yourself down are often called grounding. According to Dr. Young, “When it comes to physical grounding, clenching your fists tightly is…the top of the list.” Dr. Young shares.
Squeeze Play Dough Or Silly Putty
Clenching your fists may not be tangible enough for all kids. Or it simply may not seem like an appealing activity to an agitated small child. Playdough or silly putty can be a useful tool to introduce.
They give the child the same calming benefits of squeezing their fists. Other items that can provide the same sensory input are stress balls.
Visualize Something Calming
Intense emotions for kids can be stress and anxiety. Visualizing a calming scene, often called guided imagery, can be a helpful soothing technique. To help your child, you can prompt them to “Imagine the beach…” or “pretend we’re playing in the leaves” and then continue building a relaxing scene. “Can you feel the wind? What does it smell like?”
Research has shown that guided imagery is effective because your brain and body respond to imagined scenarios as if they were real. When a playdate goes awry, a block tower tumbles, or kindergarten is hard, their brain is struggling to cope. By picturing dolphins splashing in the ocean, they are helping to settle their brain enough to self-regulate.
Change Of Scenery
Sometimes, imagining a calming environment isn’t enough. If your child is experiencing overwhelming emotions in an overwhelming environment, they may need a break.
Consider taking a quick walk or relocating to a quieter (and less stimulating) space. Hopefully, after a reset, your child can continue whatever was interrupted in a better emotional spot.
Listening To Music
Listening to calming music can be an excellent way for children to help calm big feelings. According to research, “listening to music seems to be able to change brain functioning to the same extent as medication.” This effect makes music a powerful tool to help your child (and people of all ages) calm down.
There are two general guidelines: 1. The music should be calm, 2. The music should be liked. Consider what songs your child enjoys that have a calm beat. Many nursery songs fit the bill. The next time you are experiencing intense car ride feelings from the backseat, try out a calming song and watch what happens.
Have A Snack
Food isn’t a great tool to manage emotions. If your child is sad you must leave the park, offering a snack to distract from those feelings might not be the optimal choice. However, if your child is exhibiting irrational behaviors and acting out of the norm, it’s worth asking yourself, “Are they hungry?”
When we get hungry, our blood glucose levels drop. Glucose drops can lead to irritability, anger, and, if you’re a toddler, often tantrums. Even the most fine-tuned calming technique is less likely to work if your child has an essential need like hunger unmet. The same goes for tiredness, so if you have a toddler, you may notice more tantrums near naptime.