In January 2026, former Disney star Ashley Tisdale wrote an honest and relatable essay about leaving behind a toxic mom group. The article went viral and caused widespread conversation about the toxicities and dramas of mom groups. A mom group can be moms who hang out regularly because their kids are in the same school or extracurriculars, or simply because they enjoy each other’s company.
Tisdale’s article raised eyebrows because she had fellow celebrities in the mom group she was writing about, like Hilary Duff, Meghan Trainor, and Mandy Moore. However, the article was more about how the women made her feel rather than the drama in her small circle of friends. Tisdale talked about feeling “left out” or not being “cool enough” with her fabulous group of friends.
The essay had both supporters and haters, including those in the alleged group. Despite the pushback, one thing is clear: toxic mom groups are alive and well. Moms can feel excluded, judged, nervous about speaking up, and fear missing out… Suddenly, a supportive group of women has brought some moms back to middle-school social circles.
If you think you’re a part of a toxic mom group and either want to leave the group without stirring the pot or want to sensibly handle it, there are some things to keep in mind.
First Things First: What Type Of Village Are You Looking For?
The phrase “It takes a village” runs rampant among new moms. The idea that new moms need a village of supporters to help with their babies or kids is a lovely thought, but not every mom has one. They may not have close friends or family nearby, making their village of helpers incredibly small or non-existent.
Nevertheless, if you are in a friend group that makes you question your place, it’s important to ask yourself what you’re looking for in a friend group. Dr. Kristin MacGregor, PhD, shared that moms need to reframe their view of friend groups if they feel stuck.
- Are you looking for a deep connection and a woman to vent to?
- Do you need help with pickup and drop-off for your child?
- Are you seeking friends who will do activities with you and your kids?
Figure out what you’re looking for and decide if your group of friends is offering what you need.
Wondering where to find new mom groups? Many find a sense of community with those in Facebook groups, local parenting classes, gyms and studios, and apps like Peanut, Nextdoor, and Meetup.
Red Flags That Should Make You Question Your Mom Group
It doesn’t matter if you’ve been with your mom group since before you had kids or if you’re relatively new; if you don’t feel supported by your friends, it’s time to slow down and examine the subtle red flags that have likely been growing.
More women in a group means more pieces of advice, triggers, conflicting schedules, and differences of opinion. All of these things can make you or another mom feel tense with one another, which should be an indication that the group isn’t the right fit.
Red Flags to Take Seriously:
- You leave gatherings feeling worse, not empowered or supported.
- You feel like spending time with the group causes you mental or physical distress.
- You feel judged for your honest responses or behaviors.
- You question your parenting after spending time with them.
- There are constant comparisons between parenting and/or children.
- You feel behind or ignored in group chats or on social media.
If you don’t feel like you can be yourself around your friends (or you think your friends don’t like your true self), it’s time to step away or reevaluate who you’re spending time with.
Here’s How To Leave Your Toxic Mom Group
It’s important to remember that you don’t need to keep friends who don’t align with your morals or lifestyle. Doctor of Psychology, Dr. Thea Gallagher, explained that there are a few steps to take before leaving your friend group.
First, examine your own actions. Were you inclusive? Were you gossiping with the group? Whatever it is that you don’t like about your group, be sure to admit any wrongdoings of your own so that it doesn’t come off one-sided or “holier than thou.”
Be “vulnerable” instead of “accusatory,” Dr. Gallagher suggests. Explain how you felt in certain situations instead of pointing fingers.
If you’re not interested in talking about your feelings, slowly respond to messages or group chats, or accept fewer invitations. Dr. Gallagher doesn’t suggest ghosting or blocking the mom group members on social media because nothing gets accomplished that way. A great response is saying it’s hard to balance life at the moment.
On the flipside, mom and writer Rachel Morgan Cautero explained that after her mom group turned toxic and none of her so-called friends showed up to her child’s birthday party, she left the group chats and blocked everyone on social media. Breaking up with her mom group gave her strength and made her realize what she’s looking for in a friend.
Licensed marriage and family therapist Candace Blecha reminded moms that personal boundaries don’t need an explanation and that if you’re feeling triggered, it’s because your needs aren’t being met in some capacity. This requires action. “You’re allowed to leave. You don’t need permission or a dramatic explanation. You can just stop showing up,” Blecha shared. She continued that if ghosting a group isn’t your cup of tea, you can slowly start distancing yourself by declining invites and adding space between you and those you don’t align with.
Whether you tell your friend group that you’re no longer interested in spending time with them or block them to avoid confrontation, what matters most is that you’re staying true to yourself. As a mother, you need real-life support from loving and helpful parents. Don’t feel obligated to be friends with those you don’t feel safe around.
Want To Stay In Your Mom Group? Here’s How To Handle Drama
While many experts suggest leaving groups that make you feel unwanted or uncomfortable, that doesn’t mean things can’t be worked out between you and your mom group members. After all, the friendship most likely began on mutual terms; there has to be some love or admiration for the other member somewhere… right?
Licensed therapist Jillian Amodio suggests focusing on“facts, not feelings.” Sometimes, a comment or an action seems like an intentional dig or insult, but it was never the intention. Jokes get taken out of context, and people have hard days. Explore why you felt triggered and have a conversation with your mom group members about how you’re feeling and where it might be coming from.
In fact, a clinical psychologist and friendship expert, Miriam Kirmayer, PhD, shared that friends who have had disagreements and arguments and have worked through those issues tend to be the strongest.
How to Save Your Friendships
- First things first, focus on a situation that hurt your feelings. Think about a way to resolve that issue or what you wish had happened instead. Have a sit-down with your friend, and instead of being accusatory, share how special the friendship is, and explain that the particular situation upset you.
- The goal is not to punish or hurt the person who upset you — it’s to express your emotions and find a resolution. If things are getting spiteful or judgmental, express how you feel and work on turning over a new leaf.
- If you find that you and your friend have different interests after you’ve had kids, there’s nothing wrong with turning down an invite to do said interest. Instead, talk to your friend about what you both like doing so you can meet in the middle.
The bread and butter of every hard conversation is to never come off as angry. If you’re trying to save the friendships, it’s best to pull one person aside and express how you’re feeling and what you want to fix to start fresh. Saying something like “Do you feel this way too?” is a great way to hear your friend’s point of view without being hostile.
So, whether you’re planning to ghost your mom group or working on your relationships (one mama at a time), it’s important to listen to your gut and do what’s healthiest and safest for you.
