Here’s a fun animal fact. The reason flamingos are such a vivid pink is because of the carotenoid pigments in elements of their diet like algae and shrimp, and when they have babies, their bodies divert so much of those nutrients into the crop milk they make for feeding their chicks, that the mothers and fathers can lose their pink!
As a result, while raising chicks, the flamingo parents can turn a paler pink, or even a grey or whitish color.
For many parents, this is a strong metaphor for a feeling humans can also have during the early months (or even years) of parenting.
What Is “Getting Your Pink Back” For Parents?
Many parents find that in the first few months, or longer, of parenting, they lose a lot of what feels like their individual identity. Their hobbies get put on hold, their friendships aren’t a priority, and their own personality gets overwhelmed by the singular existence of “Mama” (or “Daddy”).
They feel like they lose their own vibrance, their uniqueness. (Not every parent feels this way, and that’s okay too — but for those who do, getting back that vibrance is important!)
It’s not about the literal diversion of nutrients, the way that it is for flamingos (although of course breastfeeding moms do that, too), but about the diversion of one’s entire self and all of their energy into another human being. While that can be a beautiful and fulfilling experience, it can also leave a person drained, exhausted, and even depressed.
So, for humans, getting your pink back refers to the point at which a parent can return to doing some things for themselves, things that make them feel like they have their own individual identity back.
That might mean old hobbies, a night out with friends, or just about anything else that feels restorative and healing.
When Do You Get Your Pink Back?
The answer to this varies widely.
Some moms say that they don’t feel like they’ve gotten their pink back yet, even though their child is close to three years old. Others feel that they’ve gotten their pink back several months into parenting. (Note: dads can absolutely experience this phenomenon too, but most of the public discourse about it has been between moms, so their experiences are going to be prominent.)
Some moms say they thought they were getting their pink back, only for their toddler to hit another high-maintenance stage and it all collapsed. Moms who have a second baby in close proximity may not get their pink back in between.
One thing that does seem clear, though, as moms share their stories: for most of us, getting our pink back has to be a conscious choice, and requires determined effort.
So, What’s The Process? How Do We Do It?
Some of this is going to be really hard for many moms.
The first thing you’re going to have to do is decide what hobbies, excursions, and other entertainments were central to feeling like yourself. Remember way back before the baby? That was a different world, right? You might have to check your old social media posts or your craft closet to remember what was fun back then.
Then, you’ve got to figure out a way to make it happen. That means you’ll probably need someone else to take over childcare for a while. You and your spouse can take turns, with one having some pink time while the other handles parenting duty, or you can hire a sitter to have some time off together. You can snag some pink time during naps or a Ms. Rachel episode if that’s all that’s available, but it’s going to be a lot pinker if you aren’t on baby alert.
You can also be a bit adaptive. If you love the pool, a mommy-baby swim session might restore some of that pink. (Just make sure you’re using enough sunblock and limiting exposure so that the pink isn’t your baby’s skin, or yours.) If you miss running, get a jogging stroller. If you’re just feeling cabin fever, babies can go to museums, zoos, parks, and lots of other places.
Doing it is the hard part, and it’s even harder if you’re lacking resources and/or a support system.
Where Can A Parent Turn For Help Restoring Their Pink?
If you’re struggling to get your pink back, don’t despair. There is help available.
Be willing to seek mental health support if necessary. If you don’t have insurance or can’t find a therapist, contact your local health department or social services office. They usually have good information on sliding-scale services, Medicaid-covered services, and even free services in some cases.
Reach out for support through local parenting groups, too. These can be independently organized, managed through churches, or, in some cases, handled by nonprofit groups. There’s likely to be a group tailored to your needs in your area, so if you’d like to meet up with other moms whose children have a developmental delay, moms who plan to homeschool, or moms who share your faith, you can probably find that group.
Don’t hesitate to ask for help. In the U.S., if you don’t know what’s available in your area, you can start by calling 211, a number set aside by the Federal Communications Commission (FCC) in 2000 for this purpose. They collect information and are happy to share with you about programs and support systems in every community across the United States.
The Origins Of Getting Your Pink Back
The idea of restoring yourself and getting back some of your own hobbies and free time as a parent isn’t new, but the phrase ‘getting your pink back’ to describe it was popularized by TikToker Lindsey Gurk in 2022.
She shared what she had just learned about flamingos and posted a video encouraging other moms to feel confident that they will, in time, get their pink back. The video and idea went viral, with other moms creating videos to share their feelings about losing their pink and their methods for getting it back.
Since then, Gurk has grown the idea into a brand, with t-shirts, hoodies, hats, and more, all to spread the idea that yes, moms, you can get your pink back, and you deserve it.
You can see her original video below.
