Children don’t suddenly become independent when they hit their teenage years. Independence is a skill that develops gradually, and experts say giving kids age-appropriate opportunities to make decisions, solve problems and take responsibility before adolescence can help prepare them for the challenges ahead.
As children grow, parents naturally want to protect them, but doing everything for them can leave them less prepared to handle increasing responsibilities. New research from the University of Exeter involving almost 9,000 children and young people in England found that independence alone doesn’t guarantee better wellbeing—the environment and whether children feel safe matter, too.
The researchers argue that children need opportunities to gradually build confidence and familiarity with their surroundings before adolescence. As Dr. Paul McCrorie explained, “There is a compelling argument that children need more freedom and opportunities to do things independently.”
That gradual approach is particularly important because children may suddenly receive much more freedom around the transition to secondary school. Instead of waiting until they’re teenagers to expect independence, parents can begin building those skills years earlier through manageable responsibilities and age-appropriate choices.
How Independence Helps Kids
Learning to do things independently helps children develop practical skills, confidence and problem-solving abilities. It also teaches them that making mistakes doesn’t necessarily mean failure—it can be an opportunity to learn, adjust and try again.
Importantly, independence doesn’t mean children should be expected to handle everything alone. The Psychiatry Resource notes that knowing when and how to seek assistance is actually an important part of self-sufficiency, describing it as “a necessary skill in developing and sustaining independence.”
Children who are encouraged to make decisions while knowing support is available can gradually develop resilience and confidence. Parents can remain a safety net without automatically stepping in to solve every problem, allowing children to experience the satisfaction of figuring things out themselves.
Simple Ways Parents Can Build Independence
Start small and give children responsibilities they can realistically handle. Younger children can put away toys, carry their belongings, help with chores or choose between two appropriate options, while older children can gradually take responsibility for schedules, schoolwork, meals and other everyday tasks. NAEYC recommends giving children enough time to complete simple tasks themselves because the experience helps them “feel capable and independent.”
As children approach adolescence, parents can involve them in bigger decisions by discussing options, weighing pros and cons and talking through what might happen if plans don’t work. This allows parents to provide guidance while gradually transferring responsibility rather than simply handing over control.
Finally, give children safe opportunities to practise independence outside the home through sports, clubs, volunteering, youth groups or other activities. Raising Children Network recommends allowing young people to practise independence and responsibility while maintaining clear, fair boundaries, noting that independence is “an essential part of your child’s journey towards adulthood.”
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