Spooky season is one of the most magical times of the year. Whether you like your witches, ghosts, and goblins whimsical or terrifying, October is when the enchantment starts to swirl.
For kids, this means Halloween parties, character days, fall festivals, harvest events, hayrides, making or buying costumes, and so much more. For parents, it means finding the money, time, and organization to pull it all together.
Naturally, we love making the magic happen for our babies, and we’re all responsible for balancing what we want to do with what is within reach — but it’s also okay for us all to admit, at least amongst ourselves, that we’re overwhelmed and tired.
One Mom’s Viral TikTok Is So On-Point
We all know dads who are pouring their hearts into parenting and making holidays magical. Nobody is panning those guys, but we also know that, statistically, it’s still moms who carry the most significant share of the mental load in most households, and we have to keep talking about it.
This mom hopped on camera to share her experience and observations. In October — and really, mostly all in the last week or two of October — suddenly there are so many things to juggle.
Each kid needs a food item for the party at school or daycare, and a costume. Parents are asked to volunteer, and kids may need to be picked up at a different time. There may be additional events through the church or the community, or through kids’ extracurricular activities.
Here’s what Paige Connell shared about her October experience.
The Holiday Work Begins Early & Doesn’t Slow Down
A survey conducted by NextDoor found that parents, on average, begin preparing for Halloween more than two weeks before their non-parent neighbors. (I can confirm that it wasn’t even October yet when I started fielding requests from my kids for elaborate costumes they found online.)
Many families will have to buy or make multiple costumes per kid, thanks to rules about what’s allowed at various events. (In my area, schools tend to have a Book Character day instead of an official Halloween celebration, for example, and if your kid goes to an event at church or a primary school, there are often rules about how scary or gory they can be.) Some organizations hold their events early (as I write this, it’s the second Saturday in October, and we’ve already missed one event), so it may be necessary to have costumes and treat bags ready early in the month.
Then there are the other considerations — will this costume sell out quickly? If we shop early, will my child change his mind before Halloween? Can we buy candy early, or will we accidentally eat it all and have to go back to the store? Will we need the stroller for trick-or-treating, or will the most minor child be ready to walk the whole time this year?
Even on November 1st, we’re still thinking about it—are the clearance costumes any that my kids would likely be excited about next year, or that would be fun for the dress-up box? How much of this candy should I let them eat? Did my son sneak the fake blood to school with him today, and should I expect to hear from his teacher?
(Also, now it’s time to get ready for Thanksgiving events!)
The Unbalanced Load
A Mott poll found that around 1 in 5 (18%) of parents say the holiday stress load is high, but it is heavier for moms than for dads.
“Nearly twice as many mothers than fathers (23% vs 12%) report high stress levels during this time. Parents point to several aspects of this holiday season that are very likely to cause them stress, including extra shopping/holiday tasks (31%), keeping family members healthy (30%), household finances (29%), planning for family gatherings (23%), making special holiday meals (22%), and criticism from family members about holiday plans (14%). More mothers than fathers rate each aspect of the holidays as very likely to cause stress.”
Even though the newest generation of parents is balancing the load better than previous generations, a majority still falls on moms.
We can love doing things for our kids and still acknowledge that we need a more equitable division of mental labor, and give ourselves some grace for being overwhelmed and exhausted!