No matter how carefully you craft the rules for your child’s media consumption, cutoffs can be tricky. Kids (like all of us) get super involved in their media, and having it yanked away is uncomfortable and upsetting.
By adulthood, most of us (hopefully) are capable of putting down the phone, tablet, or controller without falling apart, but for kids, the emotional regulation isn’t always there yet. On top of that, all of our apps, from games to podcasts to short videos and social media, are designed to give those little bursts of dopamine that are just enough to keep us connected.
Every house has different rules and limits, and every kid’s ability to self-regulate varies, but here are some tips and tricks that may help your child put down the electronics when their allotted time is up, without having a meltdown.
Consider The Neurotype & Abilities
The first step is to know your child’s abilities.
Kids who are autistic or have ADHD or other neurodivergences may struggle more with transition than their neurotypical peers. This can especially apply to electronics, which kids often turn into comfort items.
Younger kids will also need more support in switching off at the end of screen time than their older siblings. Their sense of time isn’t well-developed, and the time between turning off the tablet before supper and watching one more episode before bed can feel eternal!
Also, kids dealing with high levels of stress (exam time, disagreements with friends, household problems) may also have a harder-than-usual time stepping away from the scrolling that helps them disconnect from their troubles.
Offer Advance Warning
Make sure your child knows what to expect before they turn on the screen.
For younger kids, this may be defined in terms of episodes or levels, rather than in numeric time. You may say they can watch one episode of Bluey before supper, or play two Mario Kart races, for example.
For older kids, you may suggest setting a timer or an alarm on their device, so that they know when time is almost up, or agree to give a fifteen-minute warning.
Either way, communicate the limits in advance, so that they aren’t surprised.
Implement Stopping Points For Your Child’s Screen Time
As adults, we know how frustrating it can still be when we’re trying to watch the new episode of our favorite show, hear a news clip, see the dramatic finish of a sports event, finish a podcast, or get to the end of a chapter, only to have our kids keep interrupting.
For kids, that kind of interruption can be even more frustrating, because they don’t have the same sense of time we do or the same emotional regulation.
Just as we prefer to switch activities when the episode or level has ended, they would appreciate the same courtesy. We can limit meltdowns by saying, “After this level, it’s time to turn the game off,” or “You may watch until the end of this episode, and then you’re done,” instead of calling for them to drop the fun midway through.
Make The Time Limits Visual
For our littlest kids, time is very abstract and confusing. (I told my 5yo today that the tablet needed to charge for at least 20 minutes. She counted to 20 and asked, “Now can I play?”)
If we’re setting limits that involve specific time periods, they can handle it better with a visual. This could be a sand timer, a kitchen timer that visibly rotates, or a digital timer with a countdown.
One warning: while a countdown timer can make stop times clearer, for toddlers, a two-minute warning may actually make transition tantrums worse, according to a University of Washington study.
Build A Routine Around The End Of Screen Time
Making sure that your routine specifically addresses when screen time starts and stops can make the transition easier.
If your child knows to turn off the game when breakfast is ready, put the tablet away when it’s time to read together, or turn off the TV when it’s time to head to daycare, then it becomes a normal part of the day. By contrast, if it’s time to turn off the TV and your child doesn’t know what to do next or has to think of a new activity, it can result in a panicked feeling.
Most other activities don’t release dopamine gradually the way apps and social media do, so it’s mental work to transition from screen time to figuring out what to do next. Make a plan so that there’s less mental energy expended on shifting to the next thing, which may help smooth transitions.
Use Appealing Transitions Away From Screen Time
The only thing more unappealing than putting down your phone or turning off the show you’re binging is ending that activity to go do laundry or wash dishes.
Adults can empathize with that sentiment, so we can understand why our teens have much harder times putting the phone down when the expectation is that they’ll transition from social media to algebra homework or cleaning their room. Telling smaller kids to turn off the tablet and get ready for bed might rank even higher on the unappealing-transition scale.
If possible, plan the next activity after screen time to be a positive one.
That might be as simple as putting a snack between the screen time and the next thing.
So, for example, you might tell your toddler, “After this episode, we’re turning off the tablet and having our milk and cookies. Then we can find the toys for the bathtub and pick out our bedtime stories,” instead.
For an older kid, it might be, “After your hour of gaming is up, I think we could squeeze in a hand of cards before you have to do your homework,” or “Fluffy has really been begging for attention today. Maybe you could take her out to play fetch in the backyard between your gaming time and homework.”
Communicate Transition Plans Clearly
One thing that makes transitions easier is knowing what to expect.
Whether the plan is for your child to shut off the games and get their backpack ready for tomorrow, to turn off the TV and clean up their Barbies, or to put down the phone and come help set the table for supper, make sure you communicate this.
This applies whether you’ve implemented a routine (as previously recommended) or whether the next activity is a change in plans.
An example might be, “Michael, I need you to finish up that level and then get your shoes on. We’ve got to run to the store before I can make supper.”
That way, your child knows what’s coming next and can anticipate the steps in his head.
Be Consistent About Screen Time Rules
As child psychologist Dr. Becky Chambers has emphasized, kids may not enjoy being told no, but they do appreciate consistent boundaries.
If you tell your child on Monday that there’s only an hour of screen time after supper, and on Tuesday you give in to whining and let them watch for just another ten minutes, you’re telling your child that they can’t count on you to be consistent. You’re telling them that a rule you set has wobbly lines, and they cannot be sure whether screen time on Wednesday is limited to an hour, or whether getting upset enough might earn them an extra half-hour.
The rules that work in your friend’s house may not work in yours, and the ones you implement may not be the same as mine, but whatever screen limits you set, and however you settle enforcing them, in the long run your kids will appreciate that you are consistent.