The Boy Meets World Star Says Raising Kids Meant Learning How to Raise Herself
Actor Danielle Fishel recently opened up about an unexpected lesson she learned after becoming a parent: the need to “self-parent.” Speaking on QVC+’s Cart Blanche, the Boy Meets World star explained that one of the biggest surprises of raising her two sons has been realizing how often she must manage her own emotions before responding to theirs.
“The thing I don’t think anyone could prepare you for when you’re an involved parent with your kids is how often you have to parent yourself while parenting them,” Fishel said. She described moments when a child’s behavior triggers an emotional reaction that is actually rooted in something else, requiring her to pause and regulate her feelings before addressing the situation.
It’s an experience any parent can relate to. Whether it’s responding to a tantrum, sibling argument, or stressful morning routine, parenting often requires adults to manage their own frustrations, fears, and insecurities before they can effectively support their children.
What Is Self-Parenting?
Self-parenting is the practice of treating yourself with the same care, guidance, and compassion that a healthy parent would offer a child. It involves recognizing your emotional needs, developing self-awareness, and learning how to provide yourself with support rather than relying solely on external validation.
The concept is particularly helpful for adults who may not have received consistent emotional support growing up. By learning to comfort, encourage, and guide themselves, individuals can build healthier emotional habits and stronger relationships.
According to Psychology Today, self-parenting involves developing an internal voice that is supportive rather than critical. The publication explains that healthy self-parenting means learning to balance accountability with kindness, much like a good parent would do with a child. As the article notes, “The goal is not perfection but responsible self-care and self-guidance.”
Benefits of self-parenting can include improved emotional regulation, reduced stress, greater self-confidence, and healthier responses to conflict. These skills often translate into more patient and effective parenting as well.
How Parents Can Practice Self-Parenting
Experts say self-parenting begins with self-awareness. When emotions run high, parents can pause and ask themselves whether their reaction is truly about their child’s behavior or whether another stressor is contributing to their feelings.
Fishel highlighted this process when she explained, “I have to self-regulate before I can even handle them in that situation.“
Other practical strategies include speaking to yourself with compassion, acknowledging mistakes without harsh self-judgment, and creating healthy routines that support physical and emotional well-being. EI Magazine also recommends identifying unmet emotional needs and finding constructive ways to address them rather than ignoring them.
Perhaps most importantly, parents should remember that self-parenting is an ongoing process. Fishel admitted she never anticipated “how much self-parenting” motherhood would require, but her experience highlights an important truth: caring for children often begins with learning how to care for ourselves.
