Crying Is Communication, Not Misbehavior
When a child bursts into tears, many parents instinctively say, “Stop crying.” But telling children—particularly boys—that crying is something they should suppress can teach them that sadness, frustration or fear are emotions they should hide rather than understand.
Natalie Rhodes, a pediatric nurse practitioner interviewed by TODAY argues that parents should resist the urge to shut down tears simply because they are uncomfortable or inconvenient. The message children need instead is that their emotions are acceptable, even when their behavior still needs boundaries.
That doesn’t mean children should be allowed to cry indefinitely or that every problem should be solved through tears. Psychology Today makes an important distinction: repeatedly dismissing a child’s emotions can be harmful, but helping a child move from crying toward problem-solving can actually build resilience and emotional independence.
A Good Cry Can Be Healthy
Adults know the feeling of finally having a good cry after a stressful day, and research suggests crying can serve important emotional and social functions. A study published in Frontiers in Psychology examined crying regulation among 110 adults, finding that people regulate their tears for reasons ranging from protecting others to managing their own emotional wellbeing.
The research also challenges the idea that crying is simply something that should be eliminated. Crying can communicate distress, signal a need for comfort and help people process emotionally significant experiences, although its effects depend on the person and situation.
Importantly, the research doesn’t say that crying automatically makes someone feel better. In fact, the study found that the effects of crying vary according to circumstances, and that repeatedly dwelling on negative emotions can be counterproductive—meaning parents should encourage emotional expression without encouraging children to remain stuck in distress.
How Parents Can Help Kids Cry Well
The goal isn’t to make children cry more; it’s to make crying safe and acceptable. A parent might say, “It’s okay to cry. I’m here,” then give the child time to calm down before asking what happened and what might help.
Parents can also name the emotion: “You’re disappointed because your friend couldn’t come over,” or “You’re angry because we had to leave.” This helps children connect physical feelings and tears with emotional vocabulary, making it easier for them to eventually communicate what they need without crying.
Finally, parents can teach children that crying and problem-solving aren’t opposites. Let them have the moment, offer comfort, and then—once they’re calm—help them figure out what comes next, rather than demanding that the tears disappear before they feel heard.
