If you have kids who are elementary-age or older, one concept you probably spend a lot of time on is encouraging them to make good, healthy choices: whether that’s what they eat, what content they watch, or how they approach schoolwork.
For many years, researchers thought that a key to making good choices was willpower. There is a lot of research to show the importance of willpower for overall life success. This holds true in all types of situations—from health to work to school. For example, if you have the willpower to exercise and resist unhealthy foods, you tend to stay healthier. If you have strong willpower to resist distractions and do your homework well, you’re more likely to do well in school.
However, newer research suggests a different approach may be more effective. This strategy focuses on helping children set effective habits before willpower is even needed.
Looking Beyond The “Marshmallow Study”
Much of the focus on willpower began decades ago with a now-famous study known as “the marshmallow study.” In it, psychologist Walter Mischel and colleagues tested in a lab setting how long children could resist eating a marshmallow. They studied factors related to children’s ability to wait and use self-control. Follow-up studies found that children who demonstrated greater willpower and self-control in this setting tended to have better outcomes, even later in life.
More recent research has raised important questions about what this study actually tells us.
When you think about the marshmallow study, it’s all about being able to resist a temptation that’s right in front of you. That’s a very direct use of willpower—the one that we often think of when we hear the term. This is the kind of willpower it takes to resist eating the whole box of donuts sitting on our counter.
But new research shows that we need to actually take a step back. Instead of relying on moment-to-moment willpower, we may need to help children focus on strategies and habits so their willpower doesn’t have to be tested as often.
This is an eye-opening shift as a parent and has real-life implications. What this new research shows is that the most successful people as adults aren’t necessarily those with the strongest willpower. Those success stories are often based on habits that help them avoid temptation altogether.
Tips For Making Healthy Choices Easier For Children
As parents, we can really help our children from an early age to set these behavioral patterns so that healthy choices feel easy and temptations are less present in daily life.
A few tips come to mind when you think about willpower and temptation in this way.
Use Positive Language When Talking About Healthy Choices
Sometimes we unintentionally convey to kids that good habits aren’t very fun. We hear this most often with healthy food. We often send the message that healthy food is what’s good for us, but it’s not really that enjoyable—it’s something we have to get through to get to dessert.
This issue can come up with other choices, such as reading, doing chores, or doing homework. The language we use to describe healthy choices may influence how children feel about them. Try using positive terms to discuss good choices in all areas. Focus on how they make you feel strong, smart, helpful, or energized.
Set Up The Enviroment To Reduce Temptations
This seems like an obvious idea, but it’s easy to overlook. In daily life, try to limit the number of things that would make it harder for your child to make a healthy choice. For example, pack tasty and healthy snacks in the car so your child isn’t tempted by fast food on the way home from practice. In your home, try to eliminate (or at least limit) the number of unhealthy food choices available.
With media, consider using parental controls so your child cannot access content that you find questionable or even that just distracts them from other, more important tasks.
During homework time, set up their environment to encourage focus and attention—no devices, have supplies at hand, etc.
Role-Play Tricky Situations
Talk through possible scenarios with your children in advance. For example, if they’re going to a friend’s house, discuss what they would do if there is a show on that they’re not allowed to watch. This helps your child be prepared and avoid relying solely on willpower in the moment.
All these things can help set your child up for success before they even have to use willpower. Resisting a temptation that is right in front of you is very mentally taxing. It’s easier to simply avoid getting to that point of temptation whenever possible.
