It had been a long day, and I was desperate for some alone time with my thoughts. Enter two kids who want to play and roughhouse! Before I had a moment to consider options, I made a suggestion, “Why don’t you both watch Bluey for a half hour, and then we can play.” The answer was a resounding, “YAYYYY!”
It was another win for screen time. We were all rewarded. They with their favorite show, and I with a moment to myself.
That’s the thing about screen time. In a parenting world that is jam-packed, fast-paced, and unforgiving in terms of responsibilities and expectations, we all need a little reward at the end of the day. But when does a reward become a hindrance to connection? Or become something we are dependent on?
Screen Time: Reward or Disconnection?
Screen time is an unavoidable activity due to cultural, social, and emotional pressures (“Just one more episode!”). Also, it is fun! Millennial parents have needed to adjust expectations. Our childhoods were an introduction to screens, while childhood today means ever-present options for screen-based entertainment.
Screen time is a regulatory tool for all of us. Both working and non-working parents need time to themselves, and screens provide a way to get a moment of low-energy output.
The challenge is that many parents rely on screen time to reduce their overall childcare burden and then feel guilty about it.
Screen Time Can Be A Way To Cope
The goal for screen time is not elimination or overconsumption, but intentional and structured use that benefits everyone. So I will give you permission now to stop feeling guilty!
We use screen time to reduce childcare burden, not because we are bad parents or do not want to be present for our children. We are overwhelmed, overworked, and we are using screens as a coping strategy.
When we see screens as a way to cope (rather than as an indicator of our parenting failure), it allows us to shift our attention to our overall lifestyle.
What is making us feel so overwhelmed? Is there any other way to cope with these overwhelming expectations and responsibilities?
Screen Time As A Reward
Another reason we may become dependent on screen time is that it serves as a reward. We might use screen time as the actual reward after our child completes a task. More than that, screen time might serve as a reward for parents after the energetic expenditure required to help children complete a task.
We all need rewards! The challenge may arise in the aftermath of associating screen time as the ONLY reward. Our children (and ourselves!) may not know how to manage frustration if we are not given screen time after a demanding task.
Impact of Screen Time
It’s difficult to break dependence on screen time without additional information. So, what does research say about this difficult balance with screen time?
Three important areas are affected by excessive screen time dependence: mental health, sleep, and overall brain development (Kar et al., 2025). Let’s take a look at all three.
Mental Health and Screen Time
Attention, problem-solving, frustration tolerance, and reading facial cues are all imperative to developing effective emotional regulation and social skills in children. Unfortunately, excessive screen time hinders all of these skills, which can impact overall mental health.
Screen use has been associated with poorer psychosocial and cognitive outcomes (Mallawaarachchi et al., 2024).
Isolation can also increase mental health issues in children. Without effective self-regulation skills and communication skills, children will have a more challenging time adapting to their social environments.
Excessive screen time usage has been linked to depression, behavioral problems, and risky behavior (Komanchuk et al., 2023).
Sleep Disruption
Blue light from screens can suppress melatonin, the hormone responsible for maintaining a regular, healthy sleep/wake cycle (Lee et al., 2024). Screen time right before bed can lead to difficulty falling asleep and poorer sleep quality.
The impact of blue light has also been found to impact children more than adults (Hale & Guan, 2018). Adults may be able to look at their phones before bed and quickly fall asleep; however, the impact is different for children.
Brain Development
If you are doing one thing, you aren’t doing another thing. The same rule applies to screen time. Excessive screen time use limits children’s opportunities to practice skills related to language, attention, and social interaction. These skills are crucial to childhood development (Nurhidayah et al., 2026)
Finding The Screen Time Balance
The solution is not as simple as throwing all your screens away! Additional research has found that the context of screen use affects how it impacts your child. For example, “co-viewing” (movie night!) can be a way to bond with your child while using a screen.
Context and quality of what is being watched can also have an impact. Is your child using screens when they should be socializing at a birthday party? Or are they using screens during a long car ride? Modeling when and how to use screens is just as important as the time spent.
Screen Time As A Tool
We can ask ourselves the following question when striking a screen-time balance: What is needed right now? Rest? Focus? Emotional regulation? Transition buffer? Once you can pinpoint what tool screen time will be used for, it is easier to set limits.
For example, we notice transitions out of a friend’s house are challenging. Offering screen time when leaving might offer a helpful transition buffer.
We can let our child know they can use screens in the car on the way home, and then screen time is finished.
Interactions with our children can sometimes feel high-pressure and high-stakes. So setting screen time limits that align with overall values can be helpful.
Relationships Matter
Relationships matter, and screen use can lead to less satisfaction between parents and children when it gets in the way of these interactions.
Viewing screens not as “bad” but as a tool to use to supplement interactions can be a helpful way to frame screen time.
Research points to the importance of prioritizing connection before screens. That might mean co-viewing with your child or engaging in a conversation about what they are watching.
Create Predictable Boundaries
Creating predictable boundaries is also important and helps to model appropriate screen time usage. By setting specific times for screen use and discussing why those times are appropriate for screen time, children can begin to learn how and when to limit their screen time.
Model Appropriate Screen Usage
It’s hard to tell our children not to use screens when we tend to check our phones during dinner. Reflect on your own screen time habits and see if there are any you may be inadvertently passing along to your children.
Avoid for Emotional Regulation
It’s easy to give a child a screen when they are bored, irritable, or unsure how to entertain themselves. As difficult as it is, this is not the time to give a child a screen. Provide alternative activities before giving screen time, and children can begin to develop a tolerance for boredom.
Protect Developmental Windows
Research has demonstrated the impact of screen use on development. So let’s protect key times when these developmental skills are building.
One simple limit is to avoid screen use at bedtime to protect sleep quality and at mealtime to encourage connection, language development, and social skills.
“Green Time”
Green Time is what we call playing outdoors! Green Time is just as much fun (and maybe more fun sometimes!) as screen time. Aim for a balance of outdoor activities and indoor activities (that may include screen time).
Parenting With Screens
In our advanced technological world, we are not failing if we use screens! The goal is balance and intentional use of screens, rather than dependence.
Relationship quality is most important, and we can find ways to enhance that connection while still incorporating screen time into our lives.
