As a parent, it’s normal to worry about your child. But, when your child is struggling, how do you know when it’s more than just a phase?
Anxiety in kids can sometimes fly under the radar because it doesn’t always look like anxiety. Instead, it can show up as stomachaches before school, sudden outbursts over seemingly small things, or avoiding activities they once loved. Research tells us that anxiety affects around 10% of children, but the actual number may be higher because not every child knows how to express what they’re feeling—or even that they’re feeling anxious.
As a parent, seeing your child struggling is tough, especially when you’re unsure how to help. The good news? You don’t need all the answers, just a willingness to show up and learn.
Let’s take a look at ten common signs your child may be struggling with anxiety and what you can do to help them. Whether they’re worried about school, friends, or the big wide world, there’s hope—and it starts with recognizing what’s really going on.
Excessive Worrying About Everyday Events
Does your child seem stuck in “what if” mode? Maybe they’re constantly asking questions like, “What if I mess up my homework?” or “What if you don’t pick me up on time?” This kind of persistent worrying about everyday events can point to generalized anxiety disorder (GAD). While occasional worry is normal, excessive worry interrupting your child’s ability to focus, play, or relax is a red flag.
As a parent, one of the best things you can do is validate their feelings. Avoid dismissing their worries with phrases like, “There’s nothing to worry about.” Instead, you can say, “I can see this is really bothering you. Let’s talk about it.” This approach shows them you’re a safe person to confide in.
To help them manage their worries, introduce “worry time.” Designate a specific time each day—10 or 15 minutes—for them to share or write down their concerns. Afterward, gently encourage them to focus on something positive or calming. This teaches them that their worries are valid but don’t need to control their entire day.
Avoidance of Social Situations
If your child suddenly avoids social gatherings, seems uncomfortable around peers, or hesitates to participate in group activities, they may be struggling with social anxiety. This doesn’t just mean being shy or introverted. Social anxiety can stem from a deep fear of being judged, embarrassed, or rejected, and it can affect a child’s ability to form meaningful relationships.
To support them, it’s important to build their confidence gradually. Start by creating safe and low-pressure social settings, like inviting one trusted friend over for a playdate or participating in a small family gathering. Praise their efforts, even if they don’t go as planned. For example, you might say, “You were really brave to join the conversation today!”
Role-playing is another helpful tool. Practice scenarios they usually avoid, like introducing themselves to someone new or answering a teacher’s question. When they see these situations in a safe, controlled setting first, it can ease their real-life anxiety.
Above all, reassure them that everyone feels awkward or unsure sometimes—it’s part of being human. They’ll begin to navigate social settings more comfortably and confidently with patience and gentle encouragement.
Frequent Stomachaches or Headaches
“My tummy hurts.” If you hear this regularly, especially before school or a big event, it could be anxiety talking. Anxiety often manifests as physical symptoms in children because they might not yet have the language to express their feelings. Stomachaches, headaches, and even nausea are common physical responses to stress, driven by the body’s fight-or-flight system.
Start by consulting with a pediatrician to rule out any medical causes. If anxiety seems to be the culprit, help your child make the connection between their emotions and their physical symptoms. For example, you could say, “Sometimes when I’m nervous, my stomach feels funny too. Could that be what’s happening for you?”
To manage these symptoms, teach them simple relaxation techniques like belly breathing or progressive muscle relaxation. Belly breathing involves inhaling deeply through the nose, letting the belly rise like a balloon, and exhaling slowly through the mouth. Progressive muscle relaxation can be taught by tensing and relaxing different muscle groups, starting with the toes and working upward.
Helping your child understand that their body and mind are connected can be empowering. It reassures them that these physical sensations, while uncomfortable, are normal and manageable.
Perfectionism And Fear Of Failure
Does your child tear up homework for the third time because it’s “not good enough”? Do they crumble under the thought of making a mistake? Perfectionism is often anxiety in disguise. These kids set impossibly high standards for themselves and experience intense fear of letting others—or themselves—down.
As a parent, it’s important to focus on process over outcomes. Celebrate the effort they put into their work rather than the final result. For instance, instead of saying, “You’re so smart for getting an A,” try, “I love how much effort you put into studying.” This subtle shift reinforces the idea that their value isn’t tied to perfection.
You can also help them reframe mistakes as opportunities to learn. Share your own imperfections, like burning dinner or forgetting something at the store, and explain how you handled it. This shows them that everyone makes mistakes—and that it’s okay.
When they seem stuck, encourage breaks to reset their perspective. Sometimes, stepping away and returning with fresh eyes can help them see their work differently and reduce the pressure they’re putting on themselves.
Nightmares Or Difficulty Sleeping
If your child is lying awake for hours or waking up frequently during the night, anxiety might be the culprit. Kids with anxiety often have racing thoughts that make it hard to settle down at bedtime. They may worry about the day ahead, something that happened earlier, or even abstract fears like the dark or monsters under the bed. Nightmares can also be a recurring issue, becoming an extension of their daytime anxieties.
Creating a calming bedtime routine is one of the best ways to help. Consistency is key—try to have the same sequence of events every night, like bath time, reading a book, and dimming the lights. Avoid screens at least an hour before bed, as blue light can disrupt their ability to wind down.
For anxious thoughts, introduce a “worry box.” Have your child write down or draw their worries and place them in the box before bedtime. This symbolic act helps them set their worries aside for the night. Guided meditations or white noise machines can also create a soothing environment.
If nightmares are a recurring issue, talk openly about them during the day. Validate their feelings without dismissing their fears. You might say, “That sounds really scary. Let’s think of a way to make you feel safe tonight.” Over time, these strategies can help both their body and mind relax for restful sleep.
Irritability Or Mood Swings
When we think of anxiety, we often picture a child looking nervous or scared. But for some kids, anxiety shows up as irritability or frequent mood swings. They might snap over small things, seem more defiant than usual, or fluctuate between being overly emotional and shutting down completely. This is because anxiety can make their emotions feel like a rollercoaster they can’t control.
When your child seems irritable, try not to react with frustration. Instead, pause and ask yourself, “Could this be anxiety talking?” Approach them with curiosity and empathy. For example, you might say, “You seem upset today. Is there something on your mind?” This opens the door for them to share their feelings, even if they don’t fully understand them yet.
Teach them emotional regulation tools, like naming their feelings or mindful breathing. Physical activities, like jumping jacks or yoga, can also help them release pent-up energy in a healthy way.
Above all, let them know it’s okay to feel what they’re feeling. Remind them that emotions, even the tough ones, are temporary. Your calm presence can help them weather the storm.
Clinging Or Separation Anxiety
Does your child become upset when you leave, even for short periods? While separation anxiety is common in younger kids, older children or teens who experience excessive clinginess may be struggling with deeper fears of abandonment or safety. They might refuse sleepovers, call you repeatedly when you’re away, or resist going to school.
The key to easing separation anxiety is building their confidence that they’ll be okay without you. Start small—leave them with a trusted adult for short periods and gradually increase the time apart. Create a goodbye ritual, like a special handshake or hug, to give them a sense of security.
Reassure them with clear expectations about when you’ll return and follow through to build trust. For example, you could say, “I’ll be back to pick you up after lunch,” and make sure to arrive on time.
At the same time, help them develop coping strategies for when they feel anxious. Encourage them to keep a comfort object, like a small stuffed animal or a bracelet you’ve given them, as a reminder of your connection. Over time, these steps can help them feel more secure and independent.
Easily Overwhelmed By Change
Kids and teens with anxiety often struggle when faced with changes, even small ones like a new seating arrangement at school or a family trip. They may react with tantrums, tears, or withdrawal, not because they’re being difficult, but because change feels overwhelming.
To help, provide as much predictability as possible. Talk about upcoming changes in advance and walk them through what to expect. For example, if you’re moving to a new house, visit the neighborhood beforehand and show them their new room.
Create a visual schedule or checklist for daily routines. Knowing what comes next can provide a sense of stability. You can also role-play or rehearse transitions. For instance, if they’re nervous about starting a new class, practice walking into the classroom and introducing themselves.
Validate their feelings by saying, “I know change can be hard, but you’ve handled changes before, and I know you can do this.” Your confidence in their ability to adapt will help them build their own resilience over time.
Overthinking and Difficulty Making Decisions
If your child spends an unusually long time deciding what to wear or gets stuck asking the same question repeatedly, they may be overthinking. Anxious kids often feel paralyzed by the fear of making the “wrong” choice, leading to indecision and self-doubt.
You can help by teaching them that it’s okay to make mistakes and that most decisions aren’t as big as they seem. For example, you could say, “No matter what you pick, it’s going to be fine. Let’s try this one and see how it goes.” This approach reduces the pressure they feel to get things perfect.
Encourage them to set a timer for decisions. For instance, “Let’s pick a snack in the next two minutes.” This helps them practice making choices without overthinking.
Praise their decision-making efforts rather than the outcome. For example, “I love how you thought about your options and made a choice!” This reinforces their confidence. Over time, they’ll learn to trust their instincts and worry less about getting everything exactly right.
Withdrawing From Favorite Activities
Has your child stopped doing things they used to love? Maybe they no longer want to play soccer or hang out with friends. Anxiety can sap their motivation, making even enjoyable activities feel like too much.
Start by asking open-ended questions, like, “I’ve noticed you haven’t wanted to play soccer lately. Can you tell me what’s going on?” Their answer might reveal fears of failure, peer pressure, or simply feeling overwhelmed.
Encourage small steps to reengage. For example, if they’re anxious about soccer practice, suggest attending just to watch at first. Over time, they may feel ready to participate again.
Remind them of the joy these activities brought them in the past. Share photos or memories, and talk about how proud you were of their efforts. At the same time, don’t force them to jump back in before they’re ready.
Most importantly, emphasize that their worth isn’t tied to achievements or participation. Let them know it’s okay to take a break and that you’re there to support them, no matter what.
