Once spring approaches, the only things on junior and seniors’ minds are prom and graduation. Both events are some of the biggest in an American high schooler’s life. Prom and graduation both signify a goodbye and a rebirth, really.
After years of being in the same town or school, prom is a high schooler’s last hurrah with their friends and classmates. It’s a chance to dress up, take pictures, and have a school-approved party before graduation, and everyone goes their separate ways.
If movies and TV shows have taught us anything, it’s that prom night isn’t just a school dance. It’s a chance for teens to feel independent with their friends. However, fun nights with friends can also turn sideways.
Sex, underage drinking, and curfews are all things that need to be talked about before prom night. Even if a teenager has all of the generic lessons ingrained in their brain from school, mom or dad needs to have big talks with their kids to ensure safety.
Prom is an easy place for nostalgia and emotion, but it’s also an easy party to get into trouble.
First Things First: Plan Logistics
While your teenager may seem like they have a handle on prom night, you must go over the logistics for the night. For a lot of teens, this is the first time they stay out later, sleep at a friend’s, or have hired transportation taking them from the venue to another location.
Some important logistics to go over are:
Finances: Both boys and girls get dressed up for the event. If you’re paying for their ensembles, talk about budgets and expectations. School dances typically have dress codes, so it’s important to adhere to those if spending a flashy amount. Ensembles aside, talk about how much corsages and boutonnières are, and how much transportation is, if your kids are renting a limo or shuttle for the night.
Tickets: As obvious as it may seem, life gets busy, and sometimes the due dates for purchasing prom tickets get missed. Be sure your teen buys their tickets in a timely fashion. Understand the price points and if they’re buying a ticket for their date.
Transportation: Because prom can run late, many students hire transportation (like a party bus or a limo) to take them from the prom venue to a designated home. Aside from costs, talk about who’s actually booking the transportation and who the point of contact is for the driver.
Another important note is planning where to go after prom. Some teens continue the fun evening by going to a friend’s for a sleepover instead of going home alone. If that’s the case, make sure everyone’s parents are on the same page and that every teen is accounted for at the end of the night.
Sex, Consent, And Sexually Transmitted Diseases All Need To Be Discussed
One of the biggest conversations that needs to happen before prom night (if it hasn’t been discussed already) is the conversation around sex. Talking about sex is a delicate conversation with teens, but it needs to be had. While most teens have learned about the ins and outs of sex in health class, it’s important to have the conversation with them as well.
Virginity + Prom in Pop Culture: In the 1950s and ’60s, it became a cultural phenomenon to lose your virginity on prom night. Prom night signified a shift into adulthood, as teens graduated from high school and geared up for college and beyond. What followed was countless shows and movies reinforcing the stigma between losing your virginity and prom night. Because the topic of virginity is associated with prom, a birds and the bees talk is necessary.
Consent: More importantly, talking about consent and sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) is just as vital. Professionals state that conversations around consent should start in toddlerhood and progress as kids get older. However, if there’s one message that needs to be made clear, its nobody has the right to touch your body without permission. The same train of thought should be used for others.
STDs: You shouldn’t have a conversation about sex and consent without talking about STDs. If your teenager is thinking about sex, they should be informed about the downsides of unprotected sex.
- Remind them about protected sex and explain protective options.
- Teach the anatomical basics of STDs (they’re contracted through sexual contact).
- Talk about the most important ones (Herpes, HIV, Syphilis…)
- If you’re familiar with the symptoms, educate on those, and that sometimes there are none.
When leading these conversations, the most important thing to remember is to lead with no judgment. Remind your teen that you’re a safe space and you’re there for any questions, hesitations, or fears.
Underage Drinking And Drugs
Following the topic of consent, the same theories can be applied when talking about underage drinking and drugs. With prom being a sentimental and monumental night in a teen’s life, drinking and drugs can sometimes follow the evening.
Experts suggest talking about drinking and drugs by leading with the term “responsibility.” You can say that they have a responsibility to keep themselves and others safe. Safe and responsible choices may not always be the popular option, but they’re the safest.
Some things you can mention when talking about underage drinking are:
- In the US, it’s illegal to drink under the age of 21, and the ramifications of being caught.
- Alcohol harms your body, especially when you’re young and developing.
- Women are affected by alcohol more quickly.
- Not all alcoholic beverages are created equal; some have higher alcohol counts than others.
Remind your child that if they do partake in underage drinking, you’re there for them if they (or a friend) needs a ride home. While some teens would be nervous about calling home to ask for help after breaking the law, most parents commend their child for doing the right thing and not getting behind the wheel.
Similarly, drugs are another activity that’s nearly impossible to escape. It’s statistically reported that over 30% of high school seniors have misused drugs at least once.
- Remind your kids how drugs can negatively affect their well-being.
- Establish that drugs can seemingly be everywhere, and there’s no shame in denying them.
- Talk about the difference between doing something once and full-blown addiction.
While conversations around big topics can be hard, they’re necessary. It’s not that you don’t trust your child; it’s that you want them to have the tools to be prepared for any situation that comes with young adulthood.
Bullying Or Hazing Is Never Appropriate
Thanks to social media, bullying can be a consistent and persistent presence in someone’s life. Taunting doesn’t just stop in the school hallways anymore; it continues on social media and through texting.
School dances can already give someone anxiety, but it’s multiplied when someone is consistently bullied and is going to be surrounded by their bullies and spectators.
- Remind your teen that bullying is never acceptable.
- If they see or hear someone being bullied, talk about ways to intervene.
- Never stand idly by if you see someone being hazed.
If your child is the one being bullied, give them the tools and resources to come out on the other side.
Editor’s Note: If you or someone you know is being bullied, tell a trusted adult — a parent, teacher, or school counselor. For immediate support, call or text the Crisis Text Line at 741741 and type HOME.
Don’t Forget Curfews And Lodging
If your teenager has a curfew, it’s up to you to stick with it or extend it for prom night. Your teen may understandably fight their curfew, but it’s important to remind them why they have one in the first place.
- Curfews encourage reliability and maturity.
- They help your child stick to a consistent bedtime.
- Curfews ensure safety (parents know where their kids are; nothing good comes from late-night schnapps).
- Teen crimes peak around 9pm, making it safer to be at home late at night.
Remind your teen that curfews are in place for their safety. However, if their curfew is nonexistent or extended on prom night, talk about safety in numbers and where they’re lodging if not at home.
Some questions to ask are:
- Where are you staying after prom?
- Who is driving you to your location?
- If not at a friend’s, who is paying for your rental, and where is it?
- Who is the point of contact for the rental (if not at a friend’s)?
Remind your teen to check in with you and to let you know when you’re leaving the event space and heading to another location. This can encourage safety and honest communication.
Expectations And Awkward Situations
Expectations can be a hard thing to grieve. Often, expectations are imagined or arise from a dream-like state rather than being realistic. Because prom can be such an incredible night, expectations can be lost, and it can put a real damper on the night.
Your teen may have expectations for their friend group, the theme, slow dances, and beyond. Asking them what they expect for the night could offer insight into the kind of night they’re hoping for.
Regardless of what they expect for the evening, it’s wise to discuss their responses to the various scenarios that could arise.
- What to do if you see an assault.
- What to do if you see someone being bullied.
- What to do if you want to come home early without looking “uncool.”
- What to do if someone asks you to dance and you don’t want to?
Expectations can be the root of both good and bad responses, so having open, clear communication with your teen is a critical skill in your relationship.
Having big talks with your teen can strengthen your relationship and build confidence. Continue being a safe space for your teen and allow them to open up and share their dreams, expectations, and fears around prom night.
