The number of terms and styles to describe parenting differences has gone haywire, and for good reason. There is no single way to parent, as each family dynamic is different than the next.
Once you have kids, however, it can be helpful to research different styles and techniques to see which ones pertain to you and your family. There can be helpful information to help you navigate comfort, picky eating, and discipline.
The term “Positive Discipline” can get tossed around a lot when children reach the toddler stage, but what goes into positively disciplining your child, and how does this style differ from others?
From what not to do to how to practice Positive Discipline, this feature can assist with your parenting approach.
What Is Positive Discipline?
Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, author, and educator Dr. Jane Nelsen created a training program based on the principles of Positive Discipline. Nelsen’s philosophies on Positive Discipline were inspired by psychologists and professors Alfred Adler and Rudolf Dreikurs.
The base of Positive Discipline is simple: parents can lead a child with both kindness and firmness.
Positive Discipline is not about control; rather, guiding them through modeled behavior. Boundaries in a safe environment allow kids to learn and grow on their own terms without constant parental intervention, because they feel safe and encouraged at home.
Nelsen explains in her studies that children should be taught life skills rather than given rewards or repercussions. The official site breaks down the core values of Positive Discipline.
“At its core, Positive Discipline is based on a simple belief: children do better when they feel better. When children experience a sense of belonging and significance—feeling that they matter and that they are capable—they are far more likely to cooperate, develop responsibility, and contribute positively to their families and communities.”
There are five key principles to Positive Discipline to keep in mind:
Belonging: Children create a sense of belonging through connection. Children who have a strong connection to their parents and feel respected or valued have been shown to behave better.
Kindness & Firmness: Being kind to your child in hard times shows respect and fairness. At the same time, being firm about boundaries shows respect.
Longstanding Lifeskills: There are no immediate results with Positive Discipline, and instead, it slowly teaches kids discipline, respect, and problem-solving over time.
Belief Behind Behavior: “Belief behind behavior” is for the parents teaching through Positive Discipline. The style forces parents to ask themselves why they feel so strongly about a certain behavior. As the official website shares, parents need to ask themselves, “What belief might be driving this behavior?“
Encouragement: The more a child is encouraged, the more resilient and confident they are.
The baseline is that children need encouragement, praise, kindness, patience, firmness with boundaries, and a connection with their parents to succeed with Positive Discipline.
What Are The Pros And Cons Of Positive Discipline?
As with any parenting style or form of discipline, there are pros and cons. Positive Discipline may be popular and focus on respect, responsibility, and self-discipline, but not every parent sees the benefits of their child’s problem-solving over punishment.
The Pros of Positive Discipline:
- The focus on connection and respect brings closeness between kids and parents.
- Kids learn real-life skills and repercussions when their parents do not intervene constantly.
- Those raised in a supportive household have less anxiety and can emotionally regulate.
- Children learn great social skills by mirroring their parents’ reactions to situations.
- Experts revealed that those raised in Positive Discipline households succeed academically.
The Cons of Positive Discipline:
- Because parents model the behavior they set for their children, patience can run thin.
- Timeouts and punishments have quicker results, while Positive Discipline is a slow burn.
- Kids may get confused if teachers or other adults don’t discipline similarly.
- Some may view the style as permissive.
The bottom line is that Positive Discipline is mainly supported by experts and parents who follow the style, but it requires patience, consistency, and clear boundaries for children to fully benefit.
The Results:
The long-term results from Positive Discipline are substantial. A school-wide study was conducted in which a Sacramento elementary school implemented Positive Discipline for four years, and the results spoke for themselves.
- Suspensions decreased from 64 per year to four.
- Vandalism dwindled from 24 per year to two.
- Teachers reported that atmosphere, behaviors, and academic performance improved.
If you’re interested in following Positive Discipline, there are courses, events, and certifications parents and experts can follow through the principal website.
What Other Popular Parent And Discipline Styles Are There?
Positive Discipline is a beloved parenting style because it emphasizes connection over correction in a loving way. As popular and effective as Positive Discipline is, there are other methods that parents favor.
Authoritative Parenting: Authoritative parenting is similar to Positive Discipline in that it combines kindness and warmth with boundaries. Consequences are relayed to children calmly and fairly.
Gentle Parenting: Gentle parenting establishes firm boundaries or rules without using harsh punishments. Children are heard, validated, and cared for gently during their difficult moments.
Permissive Discipline: Permissive parenting leans toward the more relaxed side. Parents are warm, positive, and respectful, but allow their child freedom to explore their needs without close monitoring.
Attachment Parenting: A deep emotional bond is central to attachment parenting, with physical parameters at the forefront of the parenting style. Things like co-sleeping, breastfeeding, and responding right away during hardships are great examples of attachment style.
Conscious Parenting: Parents who look closely at their own behaviors and thoughts while parenting are conscious parents. Instead of attempting to fix or work on their child’s shortcomings, parents look within themselves as models for their children to emulate in all areas of their lives.
At the core of each parenting style, parents are doing what they think is best for their children. Loved, heard, and protected, children can explore and grow with loving, conscious parents.
Positive discipline is respectful and upbeat. There are no threats or harsh punishments. At the same time, parents’ needs and boundaries are firm and shouldn’t be tested.
