Barry Soper’s Second Act of Fatherhood
At 74, New Zealand journalist Barry Soper is raising Iggy, 4, and Mackay, 20 months, with partner Heather du Plessis-Allan. After already raising five older children, Soper says becoming a hands-on father again in his seventies has given him a completely different perspective on parenthood.
Soper admits the physical demands can be exhausting, from tantrums and nappies to long walks with a toddler. Still, he says, “For me to have two little kids at my age, it’s a treasure in itself.”
The biggest challenge, however, isn’t necessarily sleepless nights or aching muscles. Soper says his greatest concern is time, telling Now to Love, “The hardest thing as an older dad is knowing that your time is finite.”
The Risks of Becoming a Parent Later
Older parenthood isn’t automatically unhealthy, but medical research does identify some increased risks associated with advanced parental age. Research examining later-life childbearing has found associations with miscarriage, stillbirth and certain genetic conditions, particularly as maternal age increases.
For fathers, increasing age can also be associated with certain rare disorders caused by new genetic mutations. The research notes that some conditions, including achondroplasia and schizophrenia, have been associated with paternal age, although these risks do not mean that older fathers will necessarily have unhealthy children.
There can also be practical concerns once a child arrives. Older parents may have less physical stamina, and the possibility of health problems developing during a child’s childhood can make questions about longevity more immediate.
Yet age can bring advantages, too. The research notes that older parents may have greater experience, knowledge and financial stability, suggesting that “social advantage” can partly offset biological disadvantage.
What Older Fathers Say About the Experience
Soper isn’t alone in discovering that later fatherhood can feel remarkably different. The Guardian spoke with fathers who had children in their sixties and seventies, many of whom described having greater patience, financial security and life experience than they possessed when they were younger.
One father, Gary Jenkins, became a dad again at 66, 21 years after his first child. He described the experience as more meaningful because he recognizes that his time with his son is more limited—and therefore more precious.
Other older fathers interviewed by The Guardian similarly described being more present and appreciative than they had been during earlier experiences of parenthood. Their stories suggest that older parenting can bring a heightened awareness of how quickly childhood passes.
Ultimately, there is no single “right” age to become a parent. For older parents like Soper, the exhaustion and awareness of mortality may be real, but so is the opportunity to approach childhood with patience, perspective and an appreciation for every year they get together.
