Cussing, cursing, or swearing, no matter what you call it, attitudes towards strong language in general use are shifting a bit, with more parents now saying that it’s not that big a deal if their child (especially in the teens) uses some explicit language.
Even among parents who don’t exactly allow their kids to cuss, enforcement isn’t a high priority, according to the results of a recent poll. In fact, only about 1 in every 16 parents says they punish their child for using language they deem inappropriate.
Nuance is everything, and we all have our own ideas about just which words should and shouldn’t be allowed, and in what settings, but on the whole, parents are being a bit more permissive about language.
Changing Expectations Over Generations
Many parents today may see a sharp contrast in the words they were permitted to say, and the ones they allow their children. (I wasn’t allowed to even say “darn” or “gosh” as a kid, with the justification being that the intent was the same as with harsher words. My kids, on the other hand, are mostly just forbidden to use slurs and encouraged to consider the situation and whether it’s appropriate for a given word.)
There are so many changing influences, including parents who no longer find swear words to be as offensive, and changing media access, which means kids are more likely to be exposed to strong language at a younger age.
Despite that, only about a quarter (24%) of parents surveyed by C.S. Mott Children’s Hospital say that their child swears “frequently” or “occasionally.” About another third (32%) say their child uses cuss words “rarely,” and 44% say their child never does.
This Is In Line With Parental Expectations
The percentages of parent-reported use of swear words by their children closely match parental approval levels.
“In describing their own view of children using swear words, 47% of parents think it is never okay, 35% feel it depends on the situation, 12% think it depends on the word, and 6% say swear words are no big deal. Parents of teens (13-17 years) are more likely to say it depends on the situation, while parents of younger children (6-12 years) are more likely to say swearing is never okay.”
(Note: kids were not polled independently, so it’s hard to say if the correlation is due to kids meeting parents’ expectations, or whether any significant percentage are keeping their language use a bit more secretive.)
Parents Also Say They’re Pretty Relaxed About Correcting Language Use
What happens when kids do say a word that’s off-limits? Parents aren’t washing out their mouths with soap these days, thankfully. In fact, few say they’re even punishing their kids for saying a “bad” word.
A majority (41%) say that when their kids use language they don’t approve of, they simply tell the child not to do that anymore. Almost as many (38%) say that they explain to their child why they don’t like the word in question, and 14% say they just ignore the behavior.
Only 6% of parents say they issue punishments like grounding or extra chores in response to their kids using swear words.
That said, parents do implement other methods to limit kids’ exposure to cuss words, including discouraging some friendships (20%) and restricting media access 39%. Most parents say they alter their own vocabulary (57%), and about a quarter (28%) say they ask others to control their language around the kids.
Those rules reflect where parents say their kids are learning swear words.
“Parents say their child learns swear words from friends or classmates (65%) and popular media (58%); parents also point to themselves (45%) or other family members (44%) as the ones introducing swear words to their child.”
What Should Parents Take From This?
If your rules for your kids’ language use are a bit more relaxed than the ones your parents set, you’re not alone. However, there’s enough variety in sentiment on cussing that no matter what rules you set, you can probably find like-minded parents who are raising their kids with similar limits.
More parents seem to be moving towards setting a rule or boundary and explaining it, rather than simply making a demand or doling out punishment. This is more in line with what experts tend to recommend in parenting, so it’s a good tool to implement if you are setting some rules.
No matter what words your kids are allowed or forbidden to say, you should make sure they understand that there are different rules for different venues. The words that are allowed in the back yard may get them booted off the bus, or punished at school, and words you don’t mind might shock and offend Grandma (who also has a right to set limits in her own home).
Most importantly, parents should take some time to consider the limits they want to set and the reasons behind them. This will make it easy to set a clear rule for your kids about cussing and help ensure consistent enforcement.