One of the greatest fears of many parents with autistic kids is elopement, whether from home, school, or elsewhere. One horror story after another fills our news feed — children who are missing, or who found their way into a swimming pool or a road.
One important caveat: if you know one person with autism, you know one person with autism. Every autistic child is different, and there are few (if any) strategies that will work in all cases.
However, one thing that so many kids with autism have in common is that they are likely to wander off, away from the adults caring for them, and can end up in danger.
Consider The Dangers
When a kid slips away from the adults in charge and goes wandering, we call it elopement.
In recent months, there have been a few incidents that have highlighted just how dangerous elopement can be. Often, kids are found nearby, entertaining themselves and clearly unaware that their absence has caused a fuss, but other times, the ending is far more tragic, especially when there’s water nearby.
Even when a body of water or a weather condition doesn’t heighten the danger, strangers, busy roads, and other factors all add up to one conclusion: if we can keep kids from eloping in the first place, we can keep them much safer.
Fences, Doors, Gates & Locks
Pools must have fences. In most U.S. states it’s required by law, and your homeowners insurance and local ordinances may also require it.
While the exact laws vary, in general there’s a minimum depth (1.5 to two feet) named, and the statute may require a fence or wall of a certain height, and a self-latching gate. If a door from the house opens into the fence, consider adding additional security measures between that door and the pool.
Teaching as much water safety as is feasible is also a good plan.
You can use fences and doors in other applications besides pool safety, like fencing in your backyard or choosing playgrounds that have fences, too. Many indoor play spaces also keep an employee near the exits and don’t allow a child to leave without their adult!
Understand Why Kids Elope
The first key to preventing kids from eloping is understanding why wandering away is so prevalent.
There are several reasons kids on the spectrum (and some kids who aren’t) tend to wander away. The exact reason may be unique to each child, but the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children (NCMEC) notes that one factor is escape from sensory overload.
“Children on the autism spectrum may seek out small or enclosed spaces, head toward water or places of special interest to them, or they may try to escape overwhelming stimuli such as sights, sounds, surroundings, or activities of others.”
That makes providing a safe space to escape sensory stimuli a good step. This can be a semi-separated space in a classroom, with a comfy beanbag and a set of noise-canceling headphones. At home, it may be the child’s own room, or a secret hideout under a blanket-covered table or behind a sofa.
It Can Take A Village To Stop Elopement With Autistic Children
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution asked experts about ways to protect autistic kids from the dangers of elopement. One key answer was to get neighbors involved.
Even if you don’t know your neighbors well, the advice is to speak to them, introduce yourself and your child, and ensure the neighbors know your child isn’t supposed to be slipping off alone.
“In the age that we’re in, fewer and fewer people feel comfortable getting involved with someone else’s kid, and families may need to give permission to the people in their community and in their neighborhood to step in if they see a child who isn’t being supervised,” [Dr. Nathan] Call told the AJC. “One of the first things to do is talk to the neighbors and let them know ‘If you see my kid wandering without me around, please step in. It is OK to stop them. Here is my contact information.‘”
Consider The Child’s Interests
Kids may wander off because there’s something very interesting to see, whether it’s a river, a train track, or, as in the case of one child Dr. Call spoke of, a neighbor’s ceiling fan.
If it’s possible to offer the same stimuli in a safe environment, such as a water table or a window from which the same train track is visible, that may reduce the urge to elope.
Scanning new areas for potential interests may also offer advance warning—for example, being aware that the park has a petting zoo before your child notices it.
Instead Of Locking The Bedroom Door
Nighttime can be especially scary if you have a child who tends to elope. No matter how closely you watch your child during the day, even parents have to sleep at some point- and children don’t necessarily stay asleep when their parents do.
Parents face a difficult decision. Locking a child in their room could be dangerous in the event of a fire or other disaster, and it can have adverse long-term psychological effects. It might also prompt a CPS investigation in some cases since it may be deemed neglectful.
Parents may feel driven to take this step anyway, especially if they know a child can undo the external door latches, but if you’re at this point, please speak to your child’s therapist or doctor or try other methods, like a door alarm.
Employ Technology To Stop Elopement
Turn on tracking if your child has a cell phone or similar device. If it’s appropriate and legal for your situation, a tracker attached to a backpack or shoe could also help.
For nighttime, if your child has already defeated all the door locks, child safety knobs, and other devices you’ve tried, an alarm might do the trick. Alarms designed for doors and windows can be purchased relatively cheaply; for instance, this set on Amazon covers four doors or windows and doesn’t involve any wiring or complicated installation, just magnets or double-sided tape.
Use Visual Cues & Make Connections
This won’t work for every child, but it may sometimes help, as one teacher learned. Sharing anonymously on Reddit, this teacher explained that they were allowed to put a “STOP” sign on the classroom door.
This was combined with teaching the child in question to follow visual cues for STOP and GO, and a set of shelves with interesting items the child was allowed to access was labeled GO. The teacher also used ‘strategic furniture placement’ to make it easier to watch for the child slipping out of one area even while working with another child.
The sign doesn’t physically prevent a child from leaving, but it does remind him that the adults who care for him would like him to redirect to other activities instead!
Get In The Way Of A Child’s Elopement
This won’t work in every situation, but in classrooms, some teachers say that simply placing their station near the door helps.
That might be the table where small groups are led or the teacher’s desk, but putting it near the door means that a child who tries to slip away has to pass a responsible adult to do so. It makes the classroom a bit safer than one where the adult is farther from the door and may miss a child sneaking out.
Since this strategy won’t work in situations with multiple exits or when the teacher is called on to help another child or handle matters in another part of the room, it may be part of a solution combined with other strategies.
Stay Creative And Pay Attention!
You can’t keep your eyes on a child every minute. Parents must bathe and sleep, and teachers are often responsible for over two dozen children.
However, paying attention doesn’t just mean watching for sneaky exits. It also means knowing a child’s particular patterns and behaviors and learning what works for him.
If the iPad always entertains the child for precisely the length of one episode of Bluey, for example, it’s a good tool to allow a parent to take a bathroom break. If the garbage truck always draws the child’s interest outside, those might be the five minutes that an adult must be next to the child.
Knowing the child’s interests and behavior patterns, communicating expectations, and being prepared to think on your feet will help keep children in your care safe.