At some point, that tiny newborn will be crawling, walking, and doing his best to put his mouth on everything in your house.
For right now, though, he has a brand-new tiny immune system, and you want to protect it by keeping him safe from serious and potentially life-altering illnesses. One aspect is forbidding other people from kissing him until he’s a little older.
So, what can parents do when other people—especially family members—don’t seem to respect that request?
The First Step Is A United Front
Both parents should agree on the rules for others accessing their baby and discuss the reasons for those rules. Even if you already know you’re on the same page, a discussion of the rules and reasoning can help solidify your stance and prepare you for pushback.
It can also help to discuss any expected pushback (for example, if there’s an aunt or grandparent with a reputation for ignoring boundaries) and agree in advance about how you’ll enforce any rules you put in place.
What Rules Should We Invoke To Protect A Newborn?
Every family will set their own rules, typically in conjunction with advice and recommendations from their pediatrician.
Typically, it’s advised that no one who is clearly ill should be around the baby, especially in the first weeks. You may want to add specifics, such as no one with a fever or currently suffering respiratory or digestive symptoms should visit until the illness passes.
It’s also often recommended to limit small children’s visits at first and require siblings to wash their hands before touching the baby.
There are many views on vaccination, but for many families, the rule on illness is expanded to forbid anyone making contact with the baby unless they’re up-to-date on COVID-19 and flu vaccines.
Increasingly, parents are also forbidding visitors to kiss the baby. This rule helps prevent serious infections that could return your sweet new infant to the hospital.
Setting The Boundary With Visitors
Whatever rules your family chooses, communicate them early on.
If the rules limit who can visit, such as refusing all visitors for the first week, forbidding visitors who have not been vaccinated, or merely asking that no one visit if they’re currently ill, communicate that when announcing the birth or homecoming.
For other rules, such as washing hands before holding the baby and avoiding kisses, communicate these boundaries before handing the baby over.
If you think visitors will argue, you can communicate the consequences before letting them hold the baby.
For example, you may say, “We’re not allowing any kisses because of the risk of RSV. Anyone who can’t respect that won’t be allowed to hold the baby.”
Offer Additional Information To Back Up Your Position
You are not obligated to explain your reasoning to others, especially those who disrespect your rules regarding your baby.
However, you may find that giving more information will help reasonable people who care about your baby’s well-being understand why the rules exist and are essential for your baby’s safety.
If you want to share information but don’t want to keep explaining and arguing, you can send resources in advance. The doctor in the TikTok below, for instance, explains exactly how dangerous RSV can be to babies and how it can be communicated even when there are no symptoms present.
Your pediatrician may offer a paper fact sheet you can pass on to family members to help explain the seriousness. The CDC also offers this fact sheet about the risk, including the fact that as many as 80,000 children under age five are hospitalized for RSV in the U.S. every year.
Hold The Line & Don’t Back Down
It’s okay for some boundaries to be flexible, but when you’ve set rules to keep your child safe, you won’t want to be intimidated or exhausted into letting things slide.
Make sure your spouse is prepared to support you, and if visitors violate your rules, immediately enforce them. This may mean taking the baby back, not allowing that friend or family member to hold him again, or even asking the visitor to leave.
Never feel that you are being ‘mean’ or ‘unfair’ for protecting your baby’s health. If you ever do question whether you’re being overprotective or excessive, check in with your pediatrician for guidance.
Remember, Your Baby Won’t Be Tiny Forever
Some of these rules can be relaxed for most babies as they age.
RSV is most dangerous in very young infants, for instance, so if grandma wants to kiss a toddler, that’s probably fine. If your baby has any conditions affecting his immune system, you’ll want to get more specific advice from his doctor.
In the meantime, especially during RSV season, it’s entirely reasonable, and your right, to protect your baby, even if that means that some loved ones will have to wait for baby kisses (or even visits).
