Bullying can happen anytime and anywhere, but when kids return to school after summer break, opportunities multiply. They’re out of your sight for hours on end, and teachers are still juggling the extra workload of learning names, organizing seating charts, evaluating students’ current skill levels, and figuring out which kids may pose logistical and behavioral challenges.
Meanwhile, a group of kids is working to establish a pecking order, and some will use bullying tactics to establish themselves as the most powerful person in the classroom. Would you know if your child became the target of such behavior, or worse, an organized campaign from multiple classmates?
Here are some warning signs to watch for so that you can catch bullying early.
Frightened Behavior
Your child is suddenly afraid to ride the bus or walk to school. He’s afraid of going to school at all. Maybe he’s telling you openly that he’s worried, or you see avoidance behaviors.
Perhaps he asks you to start driving him or doesn’t want to go to the bus stop in the morning. Or if he usually walks to school, maybe he asks if he can ride the bus instead.
He may even suggest changing schools or begging to quit school altogether!
Any of these is a sign that something is wrong, and you should talk with your child to get to the root of the problem.
Making Excuses To Avoid School
If your child makes an excuse not to go to school one day, it may be because she’s tired, uninterested, or doesn’t want to face the scheduled test. If, on the other hand, she’s making excuses regularly, and they don’t sound like excellent reasons, it’s time to ask some questions.
She may say that she doesn’t feel well, or she may dawdle to miss the bus deliberately or claim that they’re just watching a movie or having a party so she won’t be missing anything anyway.
This could have other causes, like undiagnosed social anxiety or other issues at school, so if your talk isn’t productive, it could be good to speak with a teacher next to find out whether the problem is bullying or something else.
Unexplained Injuries
The first time, your child said he fell on the playground. The second time, they claim they accidentally shut their hand in the locker. The next time, they say they’re not even sure what happened. Sometimes, you notice clothing or a backpack torn or damaged as well.
One incident can be a genuine accident, but when this becomes a pattern, there’s something seriously wrong. This could be a sign that your child is being bullied with physical attacks. First, ask your child what’s going on. (If they’re having that many accidental injuries, they may need a checkup to see if there’s a health problem.) Then, be prepared to go to the administration to ask for help if you conclude that other students are injuring them.
Missing Or Damaged Belongings
Your child comes home without his new shoes, his math book, and his planner, which are covered in mud. At first, he makes excuses, but you keep observing that personal belongings, school supplies, and even clothing are disappearing or being damaged.
So far, he hasn’t admitted anything is wrong, but he’s due for a serious talk. He may claim that any intervention will only worsen things, but if his property is regularly stolen and damaged, it’s time for the school administration to be involved. If they’re not helpful, or if the items being taken are a high dollar value and/or the attacks are taking place off school grounds, it may be necessary to involve law enforcement.
New Mood Swings
Your formerly happy child is suddenly sad and depressed after school. She cries over minor slights and doesn’t seem to find her usual joy in activities. Maybe she’s spending more time in her room and even having angry outbursts, which is not her usual behavior.
There are several reasons that this could happen with a school-aged child, especially around adolescence. You could be witnessing the results of hormonal changes or mood disorders, sure. It could even be that her body needs increased rest and nutrition for growth spurts and is not quite meeting those needs, thanks to schedules and expectations.
It could also be a sign of bullying, so if this keeps up, you should speak to her about what’s happening in her life.
Anxiety, Nervous Behavior
Your child isn’t usually anxious, but they’re distinctly jumpy since the school year started. Or perhaps they’ve always been sensitive, but it has recently amped up. They flinch when you move toward them, and that’s a new behavior.
Maybe they’re also incredibly self-critical, saying things like, “I can’t do anything right” or “Nobody likes me.”
Could these be normal adolescent anxieties showing through? Perhaps, but there’s enough red flag here to warrant asking some questions. Ask your child if anything is going on in their life that’s affecting their happiness.
Appetite Issues (Always Hungry Or Won’t Eat)
Maybe he comes home every day starving. When you question him, your child says he didn’t eat lunch today. He asked why not and said he had lost his lunch money. Then, it keeps happening.
Or perhaps your child suddenly pushes his food around his plate, even though the meal is one of his favorites. He says he doesn’t feel well or like this food anymore (yet it comes up with every meal you prepare) or expresses worry about his body shape.
Maybe you see other eating habits change — more binging, sneaking food, or other worrisome behaviors.
Could these be signs of an eating disorder? Absolutely. They could also be the result of bullying (for example, your son isn’t getting lunch because someone is taking his lunch money, or taking his food, or people are bullying him about his body type). You won’t know until you have a conversation with him.
Academic Decline
Since the school year started, your child’s grades have dropped. When you ask her about her favorite subject, she can’t remember what she did in class that day. She’s started forgetting her homework, and her test grades are falling.
You get a phone call from her teacher, who is also upset about her grades. She can’t seem to pinpoint what’s wrong either, though she has noticed your daughter isn’t paying as much attention in class as usual.
There could be other causes, but while you’re speaking to her teacher, you should ask if she’s witnessed any interpersonal incidents that you should be concerned about, and then talk with your child as well.
Sleep Changes
Your child may experience sleep changes for many reasons, especially in adolescence. During this time, the body’s circadian rhythms change, and the body’s needs also change, so if you’re seeing your child show a little more need for rest, or staying up too late, don’t be too surprised.
However, suppose you’re seeing nightmares that weren’t a problem before, sleeping all the time or inability to sleep, and especially wetting the bed at any time after your child has initially grown out of it. In that case, there’s reason for concern.
You may wish to schedule a visit with the pediatrician or family doctor to rule out any medical causes. You’ll definitely want to have a conversation with your child and find out if there are new stressors. If those stressors come in the form of bullying, you’ll need to address it firmly and quickly.
New Chronic Medical Struggles
Anxiety and stress can cause headaches and stomach issues, among other physical manifestations. If your child is at the nurse’s office or calling home daily because of headaches or always has an upset stomach, you’ll want to check for both medical issues and stress.
Ask him if anything is upsetting him or if anything at school is making him unhappy. You can also check with his teacher and ask her to look for any social problems or conflicts.
His doctor can offer an anxiety screening if you continue to have concerns after ruling out physical problems and bullying.
Withdrawn & Evasive Behavior, Disappearing Friends
Maybe your daughter no longer wants to invite her friends over. When you suggest pizza and a sleepover, she says everyone is busy, or it doesn’t sound fun. Her phone stays in her backpack when she used to text constantly, and she’s not interested in talking about it, either.
When you ask what she wants to do this weekend, she claims to have schoolwork or studying to do, and she’s not attending the sporting events and social gatherings that she usually would.
What’s going on?
If your child won’t talk, Dolly’s Dream, an anti-bullying organization in Australia, recommends not to force her. Their suggestion:
“Instead, look for opportunities to start the conversation in a gentle and non-threatening way. You could mention a news story about bullying or ask them about their day at school.”
Keep showing your child love and support, and ensure she knows you’re there for her, no matter what.
Online Interaction Concerns
You’re following your child’s social media accounts. By now, you and your child have discussed the balance between a right to privacy and the need for supervision, considering age, maturity, what platforms they’re using, and how much freedom you feel comfortable allowing.
As you watch, you notice the same three or four accounts keep dropping nasty comments on your child’s TikTok videos or Instagram posts. Maybe your kid has not posted as many Snapchat stories lately.
Any of these changes warrant a discussion.