Most of us can look back on our own childhood and recognize that some aspects were perfect, while others were probably not the best, even as we acknowledge that our parents were working with the best information available to them at the time. Our kids will do the same.
However, nostalgia is constantly enticing in parenting, and we all want to give our kids the best of our own childhoods. One mom on Instagram, Vanessa Jennings, is drawing both support and ire for describing how she tailors her parenting style around her own experiences growing up in New Zealand.
Take a look at her 8 parenting rules and see what you think.
The Tech Rules She’s Implementing
Jennings says her kids are both under ten, and that she hasn’t really had to fight the battle of smartphones yet.
However, one of the parenting strategies she says she’s implementing is refusing to buy her kids one. She cites the mental health risks we’ve all heard about, and says the devices are “addictive enough for us adults as it is.”
She also says she limits the kids’ tablet access to weekends, and “hardly ever” lets them use these devices during the week. On the weekend, she says it’s just an hour, “and that’s usually only when we have something to get done.”
Her final tech rule: she’s not giving in to the pleas for an Xbox.
Limiting Materialism & Entertainment Curation
She also doesn’t believe in helicopter parenting or buying every toy on the shelf.
One of Jennings’ rules is that her kids get a limited number of toys and gifts. She says these are for birthdays and Christmas, and that kids should learn to value being given gifts.
The other is that she’s not constantly curating entertainment for them. She says that her mother always said, “Inspiration is on the other side of boredom,” and that she believes allowing her kids to get bored gives them more opportunities to be creative.
Resilience, Safety, & Health
Interpretations of these rules are the ones that are raising the most controversy from commenters.
Food rules are a constant source of controversy in the mommy wars. Whether one advocates for vegetarian meals, feeding kids whatever they’ll eat (even if it’s nuggets and pizza), or something in between, there will be debate.
Jennings’ stance here is actually pretty mild: she says that as long as her kids are eating vegetables, she doesn’t care if it’s the same ones over and over.
“I don’t stress if their vege is just carrots & cucumber on repeat. We encourage them to try new things and their tastebuds are still developing – I grew up on sausage rolls and fairy bread but now love mushrooms, salmon and kimchi. There’s time to expand their palates.”
She also touches on ‘resilience.’ She says that today’s kids are a “snowflake generation” who don’t understand that there are “definitely winners and losers.” She adds that in her childhood, “if you weren’t bleeding profusely or you’d lost a limb, you were expected to just get on with it.”
(This is the one that some commenters are saying advocates abuse or neglect, although Jennings adds that she’s not quite as harsh as all that.)
The final rule that has some folks (including Jennings’ husband, apparently) concerned is that the kids have to go outside barefoot! She says:
“I think it’s important to be close to nature and feel the freedom of grass under your feet.”
Taking Criticism From Commenters
In response to commenters who say that the “snowflake” label is used to excuse abuse, Jennings replies that there was no abuse in her childhood, and that her post is intended to be humorous.
“My sense of humour is not for everyone, and that’s also ok,” she adds.
Another commenter says that calling these practices abusive is “wild,” and Jennings agrees that it’s “bonkers.”
She was also criticized for her communication on the topic of “resilience.” When one commenter said, “Let the kids cry, it’s actually healthy,” she quickly clarified that her “get on with it” rule is a bit more lax than that.
“Totally agree with you on letting them cry, I absolutely do that and support/cuddle them through it.”
Clearly, Jennings’ parenting style isn’t for everyone, but she acknowledges in her comments that every family has to work out what is best for them!