Child-rearing goes in cycles, with constant changes in medical advice as doctors and scientists learn more about development and health. There are also constant changes in social norms, and unlike medical recommendations, these are less likely to be based on the best current knowledge.
Trends in parenting range from color schemes (did you know that in the 1920s, pink was considered the color for boys and blue for girls? It’s true—check out the Smithsonian’s history on gendered colors and clothing) to popular products, feeding styles, and schedules, and so much more.
Sometimes, these trends directly oppose medical advice but can take years to catch up, and other times, they’re completely harmless but may annoy people who don’t engage in them (Elf On The Shelf, anyone?). Parents on Reddit have delved into the topic over and over, from predicting which trends will age poorly or be laughed about in the future to merely grousing about least favorites or fantasizing about being able to eliminate a single trend.
Read on to learn the parenting trends people most love to hate.
Toddler Pageants
Can we thank Honey Boo Boo for helping us see the toxicity rife in this one? It’s probably possible to have a baby or small child in beauty pageants and keep things sane and healthy. Still, thanks to reality TV’s focus on the extremes, we’ve all seen some horror stories, like a mom giving her small child a mixture of Mountain Dew and Red Bull and calling it “go-go juice” to make her kid extra active on stage.
Beauty pageants can have such adverse effects on children’s self-esteem, mental health, and behavior that there have been movements to outlaw them altogether, and advocacy groups have risen to spread awareness of the risks. While they’re still trendy, child beauty pageants are among the most hated parent trends.
Infant Body Alterations
This is a broad category and the people who hate it don’t all agree on what’s included. The surgical body mutilations done to girls in some cultures are undoubtedly high on the list. Male circumcision is more contentious. There’s a significant movement to ban it, but at the same time, many people defend it for religious or social reasons.
Then there’s piercing. At what age is it okay to pierce your daughter’s ears? Doing it in infancy is still very popular, but many argue that it’s inappropriate to make such a bodily alteration on a child too young to consent.
Sad Beige Nurseries
Baby nursery and clothing color schemes have exploded over the past century or so. It was once standard to dress all babies, boys and girls alike, in little dresses, all in the most bleachable color: white. In the early 1900s, department stores began marketing pink clothing as more masculine and appropriate for boys and soft, delicate blues for little girls.
Since then, we’ve started decorating nurseries, trying out a variety of designs, themes, and color schemes, from Noah’s Ark to Winnie the Pooh to Mickey Mouse, from pastels to primaries. Then neutrals hit. Now, Pinterest, Instagram, and TikTok are flooded with moms showing off colorless baby spaces.
Psychology Today addressed this in 2020, affirming that babies distinguish between colors and benefit from visual contrast. The author also notes that colors have meaning even at very young ages and that kids attach emotions to them.
It’s no wonder so many people are jumping on the anti-beige bandwagon.
Helicopter Parenting
Neglecting a child does obvious harm, but hovering over him to such a degree that he never has any freedom or autonomy can be a problem, too. Some critics theorize that it is actually the result of parents overcorrecting from neglectful childhoods they’ve experienced or witnessed themselves.
The worst part (and perhaps this is true of almost any parenting trend) is when it spills into policing other parents who don’t engage in it. One Redditor shared this stunning story:
“When my daughter was 8 I let her walk alone to her friends house 2 blocks down the street. A random lady saw her on the sidewalk and called the cops about it, then stopped my daughter on the sidewalk and wouldn’t let her go the last 60 feet to her friends house. I was watching from the porch and went up as soon as the lady stopped. She then tried to insist that the cops arrest me for child endangerment as soon as they showed up.”
That’s extreme, but this parent isn’t alone — others shared stories of strangers calling Child Protective Services because they could see kids playing in the yard but couldn’t see the parents (who were present, or of being threatened with legal action for similar choices. In fact, in 2014, a mom was charged with a crime for letting her 10-year-old and 6-year-old play together in a nearby park, followed by CPS threatening to take their kids if they didn’t sign a promise to keep the kids under constant supervision, according to Reason!
No wonder many parents hope this will cease to be the norm.
Oversharing, Especially On Social Media
This one pops up a lot now and adults or teens who were previously (or still are) on the receiving end. One Redditor said:
“As a teenager, I absolutely hate how family members will spill private secrets and constantly complain and make jokes about you on the telephone or when families gather.”
One adult described being five months pregnant (at age 25) before she finally reluctantly told her mom because she knew it would be spread to strangers. Another described not even letting their parents know they were dating until after marrying!
This also spills into social media, where there are concerns about parents who put the hardest parts of their children’s lives online — one commenter cited parents who film an autistic child’s meltdown and post it, and others discussed broadcasting punishments. One said:
“Public internet shaming is one of the worst things one can do to a child, because who knows whether that will follow that poor kid around for years. When the cyber-bullying is coming from inside their own house, nowhere is safe. (And that’s not even getting to the people who “prank” their kids and make them miserable for the views.)”
Removing Doors, Denying Privacy
So many teenagers have shared horror stories of having bedroom doors removed as a punishment or preventative measure. Whether this is discipline or abuse has been a debate for so long that there’s even a Pittsburgh Post-Gazette article discussing a case where it was a punishment for — get this — creating a MySpace page without permission!
Experts generally agree that teens need a certain amount of privacy, but there doesn’t seem to be a solid consensus on whether it’s okay to take doors away. Some critics say it’s not as big a deal with younger kids or that it’s okay as long as they get a curtain or otherwise have opportunities for privacy. At least one parent explained that their child only lost a door when he slammed it so hard that he broke the frame.
Still, when you ask Reddit, there’s broad agreement that when this is used as a control tactic, it’s downright abusive and should go away as a parenting choice. Here’s what one commenter shared:
“The top half of my bedroom door was cut off, and I had no privacy for any of the time I was living at home as soon as I was a teenager. The moment I moved out for good though? They bought a new door.”
Boundary-Free Childhood Under The Guise of Gentle Parenting
Gentle parenting is treating a child like a fellow human being whose inappropriate behaviors have causes and attempting to address the causes instead of focusing on policing the behavior. Ideally, this doesn’t mean a parent avoids correcting behavior, just that the focus is on the person rather than the action.
Like any philosophy, some people use it as an umbrella term to avoid their own accountability. Pretty much everyone is tired of parents who refuse to parent at all and pretend it’s because they’re being ‘gentle.’
People describe parents who actively teach their kids that apologies aren’t unnecessary and never actually set boundaries. One commenter described:
“Like, no, little Jimmy may NOT whack my kid over the head with a shovel and when your “kind hands” nonsense doesn’t work I’m going to tell him so directly! It’s like passive aggressive parenting and it drives me nuts-don’t yell at your kids but be firm and direct.”
Antivax Extremism
This one instead explains itself. There’s a lot of debate out there over whether refusing vaccines or choosing a delayed or partial schedule is flat-out child abuse by way of medical neglect or a parental right for the sake of protecting kids from the government and Big Pharma.
So, who hates anti-vax parenting? A 2011 study found that about 30% of pediatricians have a policy of actually turning away potential clients for refusing to have their kids vaccinated. Also, parents with immune-compromised kids have pretty strong opinions on those who compromise herd immunity.
Encouraging Screen Addiction, Or Over-Restricting Screens
This is a particularly contentious subject. We have evidence that screens can be beneficial in some ways. We also have evidence that too much time on devices can be harmful, and we know that the rapid delivery of short bursts of dopamine that come with scrolling can make it easy to become attached.
One Redditor predicted that no matter what a parent chooses, the future will look back on us with shock. In a surprisingly even-handed comment, they opined:
“In allowing significant screen time, are parents creating a generation of low-attention-span, bent neck, dead-eyed zombies who only laugh through snorts of the nose? Or, in restricting screen time, are parents failing to prepare their children for a world that demands ever increasing fluency with technology? There’s a balance to be struck, so it will be interesting to watch how that balance evolves.”
Too Much To Do, Too Little Unstructured Time
Experts tell us kids need unstructured free time, boredom, and the opportunity to figure things out for themselves. Nonetheless, it’s pretty common today to have kids signed up for everything — a sport, a martial art, a dance class, a club, and a church group, scheduled so tightly that there are no days off!
Pediatric psychotherapist Nicole Minasi, writing for Solution Health, said:
“A 2024 data analysis found a relationship between the number of enrichment activities a child participated in and their mental health challenges. In a nutshell, kids who spend more time in extracurricular activities are more likely to struggle with anxiety, depression, and anger.”
It’s not only the experts who can’t stand kids being overbooked. Friends, family members, and teachers are also frustrated that kids are overscheduled and can never play or function. One Redditor said:
“When I was teaching, I remember my kindergartners telling me they had no time to play because every day consisted of non-stop structured sports, dance and such.”
Another described learning that an 8-year-old kept falling asleep in class because his dad was waking him at 5 a.m. for sports practice!
Amber Teething Necklaces — Choking Hazard, Holistic Remedy, Or Both?
Once again, there are multiple levels of dislike here. Some folks are frustrated that anyone would put their kid in a necklace with beads to chew on purpose. Others are only irate that their friends keep pushing them to take up the practice. One Reddit user said:
“Why in the world would ANYONE EVER SAY ‘I really need to put something around my child’s neck that is also designed to be in their mouth with small pieces.'”
Another added, “If those worked, every freaking pediatrician in the world would be shoving them at parents.”
Yet another explained their specific fear of such accessories:
“I saved my toddler brother from strangling himself on a paci clip when I was a kid, and those aren’t even a closed circle. We didn’t know he could climb the crib and he got hung up by the string on one of the hinges. He couldn’t even cry out, I just got bored and went to look at him.”
The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) warns that the necklaces can lead to choking or strangulation, citing the Food & Drug Administration’s reports of such incidents, suggesting that the medical profession would also love to see this trend end.
Elf On The Shelf
This one is just a personal pet peeve for many parents. There’s no sign the relatively new tradition does any particular harm. Still, it takes up a lot of social media space every December, and some parents who choose to shun the practice may be annoyed at their kids coming home from school describing what their friends’ elves have been doing.
Still, plenty of parents have a problem with the little guy, although the Redditor who was upvoted to the top of the page for saying so did not elaborate on their reasons for hatred. Others have, though. A 2015 opinion piece in Good Housekeeping described it as “generally creepy,” “too much work,” and one factor in “raising a generation of spoiled children who value things over experiences.”
Never Saying “Smart” Or “Pretty” Or Other Selected Words & Phrases
We know that constantly praising a child for being “smart” or “pretty” can send the wrong message. Kids can take that message to mean their value as a person drops if they aren’t feeling smart in that moment (say they do poorly on a test or struggle with a new math concept) or if they think they’re failing at “pretty” (such as by gaining weight, getting a less-flattering-than-expected haircut, or developing acne).
Instead, experts advise us to praise our kids for the things they can control, like their efforts. We can say things like, “I’m so proud of how hard you studied for that spelling test,” and “I love your sense of style.”
This philosophy, too, can be taken to extremes, and many people are super sick of parents refusing to compliment their child’s brains or beauty at all. One said:
“When I hear the suggestion that we should tell our children that we like the way they put their outfit together or that we like the way they say a sentence instead of sometimes saying they are smart and beautiful, I just imagine this later generation hating us for it and one day holding it against us that we never said they were beautiful!”
Another chimed in to say that her family calling her “beautiful” helped her survive the years she felt “chunky, awkward, fashion challenged, [and] frizzy headed.”
The philosophy of being mindful about how we complement our kids has support, but people are sick of parents taking it too far.
