Parenting is full of beautiful moments: your child’s first words, great report cards, heartfelt art projects, and other daily joys.
It’s also full of hard moments and messes. Your kids spill their milk, the laundry is never caught up, and the living room floor is a sea of toys.
Sometimes, though, it feels like you’re the only one with the struggles, especially if you’re on social media, where all your friends are sharing only the perfect moments. May parents are now attempting to change that.
All Your Friends Are Perfect Parents (Probably Not)
Your friend’s kid never wears a stained shirt and never has chocolate all over her face. You can tell by the photos on her Facebook page. Their kitchen is always spotless and shining, and the playroom is tidy and organized.
Okay, that’s probably not true. Like most people, your friend curates what parts of her life she makes public.
Is her living room really that tidy, or did she take the photo from the one angle where the mess isn’t visible? Did she really spend the day singing educational songs with her children, or did she spend vast chunks of it hiding in the bathroom while the kids watched a YouTuber sing those songs?
The Case For A More Honest Picture
It’s great to protect your kids’ privacy. We’ve all heard you should praise in public and correct in private, so posting your child’s perfect math grade and keeping quiet about him failing English is understandable.
However, one result of this type of posting is that parents (including those doing the same thing!) tend to feel like they’re the only ones struggling.
Now, more moms are moving towards sharing a more balanced image of parenting life, which means admitting that sometimes it’s hard, messy, and exhausting.
“Celebrate The Chaos”
A new survey from Mrs. T’s Pierogies asks parents how they feel about their parenting lives and what they see on social media. They’re calling it a “Spill The T(ea)” campaign and inviting parents to share their more chaotic moments.
They found that the average parent experiences about seven “chaotic moments” per day and that a majority (82%) find humor in at least some of these moments.
Nearly half of the parents who responded said they would like to portray their family in a more realistic light instead of only sharing the ‘perfect’ moments and angles.
Dinnertime Chaos Is A Focus
With a company that offers prepared food items taking the survey, it’s no surprise that a significant focus was around after-school chaos and the need for quick and easy dinner options, and that parents also chimed in to share the ‘battles’ involved in getting their kids to try healthy meal items.
However, it’s far from the only moment parents admit can be chaotic and exhausting.
We also see parents admitting that helping their kids with homework can be difficult, that sibling fights are frustrating, and that when their kids step off the school bus, it suddenly looks like a tornado went through the house. Check out one such video of parents sharing their chaotic insights below.
Your Chaos Is Unique (But Not That Unique)
Okay, the chaos in your home is personal and unique because your kids are individuals, and your parenting style is uniquely yours. At the same time, other parents around you are going through things that are similar, if not exactly the same.
The messes, the battles of wills, the resistance to bathtime and bedtime and cleaning up toys – these are just part of parenting, and if you’re not seeing it on your friends’ social feeds, that doesn’t mean they aren’t having the same struggles. (And maybe they think you’re the perfect one whose kids never scream or make a mess!)
In fact, Butterfly Beginnings Counseling reports that more than half of parents feel like they’re failing in their first year—and that’s before their kids ever learn to argue and sneak video games after bedtime!
More than 6 in 10 parents say they feel pressure from social media to be perfect, although our public face may not match our full story:
“Remember that social media is a rose-tinted view of the best parts of lives and doesn’t tell the whole story. Social media platforms showcase our highlight reels — not the behind-the-scenes footage.”
Should We Change How We Share?
Once you share as a parent, there’s a balance to maintain. What sharing is your business and experience (so much laundry!), and what is oversharing about your child’s struggles (like wetting the bed or being a messy eater)?
We’ve seen the children of social media influencers grow up and express their own feelings about their parents’ publicizing their struggles, and none of us wants to put our own kids through that.
Still, we can all find a balance where we can share that there are parenting struggles without denying our kids privacy, and maybe our honesty will help another mom out there know she’s not failing just because she’s struggling.