Most observers would say that teens spend incredible amounts of time in social interactions of one sort or another.
Before social media, kids spent the day passing notes in class, then jumped off the bus and ran inside to lug the phone to their rooms and reconnect with the same friends they’d been interacting with all day. The ongoing interactions are through group chats, texts, back-and-forth in TikTok comments, and other tech contact.
Is this the same friendship, repackaged with more screens, or is it different in vital ways? Some theories suggest that less face-to-face friendship time may be one reason our kids’ mental health is struggling.
Online & Mostly-Online Friendships Are Valuable & Valid
One thing to understand is that while online friendships may look slightly different, they’re still valid and important.
Many kids and adults have found communities online that meet a need for understanding and support in ways that they struggled to find locally. This can be especially true for kids who are LGBT and not in accepting environments, kids who are neurodivergent and have already been labeled ‘weird’ by their schoolmates, and kids with hobbies or interests that are more niche.
The internet, and its wide range of message boards, social sites, and other ways to connect, has made it possible to find the people who share one’s interests and values, no matter where they are.
However, face-to-face interaction can still be very important, especially for developing brains.
Teens Get Face Time, But Little Face-To-Face Time
Dylan Bryan, a researcher who’s working on a documentary about the youth mental health crisis, considers the change in friendships to be a significant factor in teen mental health. Sharing stats from the American Time Use survey, he notes that kids spend much less time with their friends than they did two decades ago. He says:
“Adolescents need to make friends to help them start to discover their own identity, social development, preparation for adulthood, emotional support and overall self confidence….Having friends at this age is a lot more than just someone to hang out with.”
The data he shares show that teens in 2003 reported spending about 24 hours a week with their friends, and in 2021, they reported spending closer to 6 hours a week.
COVID-19 and the resulting school closures and social distancing certainly get some of the blame for this (and, in all probability, for mental health declines as well), but it’s clear that there has been a significant shift in how kids experience social life.
The Loneliness Crisis Is Striking Adults, Too
During the height of the COVID pandemic, most Americans reported additional struggles, and many were social in nature. Close to half reported losing touch with friends between May 2020 and May 2021, and about 1 in 10 reported losing touch with most of their friends, according to The American Survey Center.
This can significantly be exacerbated for kids and teens, who aren’t able to hop in a car and drive to a friend’s house on a whim and otherwise may lack the freedom to make their own decisions about how they use their time and how much contact they have with others.
The number of ‘close friends’ and ‘best friends’ has also declined.
The data shows that in 1990, only about 3% of Americans reported having no close friends, and 33% reported having 10 or more. In 2021, 12% of respondents say they have no close friends, and only about 25% say they have six or more.
Over the same time period, the number of individuals who say they have a ‘best friend’ has gone from 75% to 59%.
Teen Friendships Have Moved Online
Even pre-pandemic, these numbers were raising alarms.
In 2019, statistics already showed that kids today are going to fewer parties, hanging out with friends less often, and feeling lonelier, than previous generations. According to The Conversation:
“Today’s 10th-graders go to about 17 fewer parties a year than 10th-graders in the 1980s did. Overall, 12th-graders now spend an hour less on in-person social interaction on an average day than their Gen X predecessors did.”
Reduced time with friends correlates with an increase in loneliness—statistics in 2017 showed that almost 4 in 10 students said they often felt lonely and left out, compared to about a quarter of all students just a few years before, in 2012.
How Has This Changed Post-Pandemic?
With schools re-opened and much of our socialization back to pre-pandemic levels, there have been some signs of improvement in teen mental health.
However, the stats show our kids are still suffering. The number of kids reporting persistent sadness is beginning to drop. However, there are still high percentages reporting that they’ve had suicidal thoughts (about 1 in 5) or even attempted (about 1 in 10).
The latest stats also show some factors we can influence to help improve our kids’ mental health, including making sure that they are regularly physically active, that they get enough sleep, and that their parents are connected but not so involved that kids feel smothered.
Another relevant factor is participation in team sports. Kids who were involved in team sports reported lower levels of sadness and fewer suicidal thoughts.
What Can Parents Do?
Checking in with your kids regularly is great for keeping an eye on their mental health, and according to the CDC’s stats, it improves kids’ wellbeing.
However, the data on kids’ friendships and loneliness, combined with the CDC’s recognition that participating in team sports reduces teens’ feelings of sadness and thoughts of suicide, suggests that regular in-person connections could help.
Team sports bring kids together with the same peer group over and over (several times a week or even daily, depending on the sport and season) for several hours a week. Being on a team means building strong connections and relying on that peer group.
Together, this suggests that ensuring your kids have that type of connection and in-person friend time could be a significant factor in improving their mental health.
For Mental Health Emergencies
If you or someone you love is in crisis, several services and organizations are available to help.
The National Alliance on Mental Illness offers online chat services, help by text at 62640 (text the word “friend”), and phone assistance for teens and young adults at 1-800-950-NAMI (6264).
The Trevor Project offers suicide prevention services for LGBTQ+ teens, through chat, text, and phone.
The US Suicide & Crisis Lifeline is available by simply dialing 988.