Everyone has their own parenting style, and Conscious Parenting Coach Kim Muench acknowledges that and says she never expects her videos and advice to supersede a parent’s instincts and knowledge of their child. However, based on her expertise and experience, she has developed a list of the top five parenting behaviors she would never do.
Parenting coaches have become a major trend on TikTok as a new generation of parents struggles to figure out how to raise kids in an age of ever-changing technology and social norms. Muench is just one of many sharing what she’s learned about raising kids, but there’s an apparent reason that hundreds of thousands of moms are following her and seeking her advice.
She has a straightforward, honest approach, and her parenting advice balances caring for your kids, meeting their needs, and setting expectations. Much of her advice is also targeted toward parenting older teens and young adults—a niche often overlooked.
Here are the five things she says she would never do.
“I Would Never Track My Kids”
This one will surprise many parents who have placed location apps on their children’s devices for safety and accountability reasons. Muench’s full video of five parenting no-nos is at the bottom of this story, but she delves deeper into this specific topic in a separate video.
There are two big caveats here: Muench reminds us that her advice is just advice and does not overrule any parent’s own decisions, and, again, her focus is mostly on older kids.
In the TikTok below, she answers a question from a mom who is upset that when she looked at her family tracking app, she realized her college freshman wasn’t sleeping in her dorm room. Muench explains that no matter how much the app is about safety, on some level, it’s also about control, and that’s the problem.
“In my opinion, both as a parenting coach and parent, it is not worth the disconnection in your relationship to continue down this path.
Don’t Take Your Kids’ Angry Words Personally
Most of us have been told that we’re the meanest mom or had our kids scream, “I hate you!” at some point.
When kids are angry, they say many things — that they are running away from home, that they want a new mom or dad, that they can’t wait to move out and get away from us. Sometimes, it’s just because they’re young and frustrated with their lack of control over their own lives and environment, and sometimes, it’s because we’ve legitimately made mistakes and gotten things wrong. Muench says:
“Teens and young adults are going to say things that may be hurtful. I think it’s important to let those things roll off our backs knowing that we have done the best we could with what we knew at the time as a parent. It doesn’t mean you don’t need to apologize, but don’t take things so personally.”
Avoid Creating An Endless List Of Rules
The parenting coach warns that too many rules result in kids “pushing back and causing power struggles.”
Instead, she advises implementing “a couple of non-negotiables” and then leaving “a lot of choice where you can give it.”
Experts tell us that kids, like adults, want autonomy, agency, and freedom. While we also know that they want and need boundaries, they’re human beings who need some space to explore their own identities.
That doesn’t mean Muench is telling us not to set rules, or to be lax. In fact, on her blog, she notes that even an adult child living at home should have clear boundaries, rules, and expectations — such as what household chores and expenses they are responsible for.
However, parents who use a long rule list to micromanage their child’s choices can expect conflict.
Don’t Fail To Take Care Of Yourself Because You Have Kids
Muench says she has a firm awareness of what she needs to be the best mom, wife, and self.
For her, it’s daily meditation, 15 thousand steps daily, and a glass of chardonnay. For you, it may be a different set of needs.
Whatever your self-care needs are, though, one of the best things you can do for yourself and your family is to determine them, communicate them clearly, and then ensure they’re met.
You won’t be able to handle the needs of others if you’re not taking care of yourself.
Behavior Isn’t The Priority
This one brings to mind a quote by author Glennon Doyle that occasionally makes the circuits of social media:
Don’t let yourself become so concerned with raising a good kid that you forget you already have one.
The idea is that if you’re focused on policing your child’s behavior, you’re not paying enough attention to building your relationship with them. Hopefully, your relationship with your child will last much longer than their period of being a minor needing discipline and guidance.
That’s why Muench’s final item on her list of never-do items as a parent is:
“…be so focused on my kids giving me the right behavior that I miss building a connective relationship with them.”
Watch Kim Muench Explain Her Parenting “Don’ts” In Her Own Words
Below, you can check out the TikTok in which Muench describes exactly what she would never do, based on her experience as a parent and her knowledge as a parenting coach.
