What is the reason for sleepovers? Back in the 1990s, the answer was simple: good old-fashioned fun. Nights spent with close friends eating junk food, playing games, and just being kids were beneficial enough.
However, a growing number of millennial parents are now saying no to sleepovers. Parents argue the risks are too high and they are not needed.
Yet experts and sleepover-friendly parents argue that by declining sleepovers, parents may also be needlessly blocking their children from numerous sleepover benefits that go beyond a good time. Here are the reasons why sleepovers aren’t just fun but can play an important role in childhood development.
New Experiences Are A Big Sleepover Benefit
Sleeping in a bunk bed. Eating chocolate chip pancakes. Waking up with a cat in your bed. Playing a new board game. None of these experiences are particularly Earth-shattering. However, they are all examples of mundane but novel experiences your child might have at a sleepover.
New experiences are fun and interesting to have. They can provide a rich context for a deeper understanding of life. However, beyond that, studies show that novel experiences help grow brains and increase learning. Growing your kids brain sounds like a pretty big part of parenting.
Social Skill Can Be Developed At Sleepovers
Sleepovers provide an opportunity for kids to practice social skills. Soft skills such as listening, conflict resolution, cooperation, and communication are valuable and much-needed. In fact, 90% of employers say soft skills such as these are the most important in the workplace.
While children often practice social skills in structured environments such as school, unstructured opportunities are less frequent. Sleepovers provide an excellent chance for kids to navigate social situations. Something as simple as picking what movie to watch with a friend can help build social skills.
Self-Advocacy Skills Are Learned At Sleepovers
Away from mom and dad, your child will have the opportunity to advocate for themselves in a new way. While asking for a glass of water might seem simple, it can be a big step for many children. Often, parents are quick to meet their children’s needs. So quick, in fact, that many children can find it challenging to voice and explain their own needs to outsiders.
Ask any waiter, and they will tell you about young adults struggling to order their own food or ask for an extra side of Ranch. That is particularly concerning because adults need to speak up for themselves in far more serious matters than preferred dipping sauce. Fortunately, sleepovers can provide a safe, controlled environment for children to learn and practice self-advocacy.
Resilience Is Another Sleepover Bonus
Sleepovers can be a little uncomfortable. Mom and Dad aren’t there to tuck you in. The temperature might be a little uncomfortable, and the bed is different from yours. Perhaps you and your friend get in a fight, or you get stuck playing a boring game.
Getting out of your comfort zone can help build resilience and coping skills. Let’s face it: Life isn’t always comfortable, and dealing with that fact in small doses can help prepare kids for challenges in later life. As John Hopkins psychologist Joe McGuire explains, “When we are facing our fears, we are building that tolerance to distress, to the unknown. We see time and time again that this works.”
Your Child Can Build Independence
A benefit of sleepovers is they help kids become more independent. Psychologist Mary Alvord states, “Sleepovers are helping kids work toward independence… Developmentally, that is crucial.”
Children who don’t have the opportunity to practice independence in small steps can struggle when faced with independence is imposed on them. Letting your kid experience some independence in a safe, vetted environment can be a positive step toward confident adulthood.
Sleepover Activities Can Fuel Creativity In Children
Common sleepover activities include imaginative games, crafts, storytelling, and other creative games. Creativity flourishes in relaxed, open-agenda environments like sleepovers.
More importantly, creative play helps kids learn and grow. So your kid won’t only have fun telling silly stories at bedtime, pretending to be a superhero, or making a friendship bracelet; They’ll be learning.
Build Deeper Friendships
Studies show it takes 40 to 60 hours of time together to become close friends. Modern childhood is busier than ever. Kids go from full school days, many with short to no breaks, to time occupied by structured opportunities. How much time does your kid get to hang out with their friends?
Sleepovers can allow kids to spend more time hanging out with their friends. Sleepovers can give your child the time to develop closer friendships. Those late-night giggle sessions might be them making their future best man or college remote.
Sleepovers Can Help With Building Trust
Ultimately, sleepovers are a trust exercise. At the surface level, you are trusting your child to a different caregiver and trusting them to make good decisions while in that care.
However, it goes even deeper than that. Sleepovers give your child shared experiences to bond and build trust with friends over. Having friends you trust and rely on is key to mental health.
Seeing How Other Families Operate
Every family operates differently. In some families, food is eaten only in the kitchen, while in others, meals can be eaten on the couch. What’s for dinner? Chances are the menu at a neighbor’s house can vary quite a bit from what your family eats. In some families, lights out is bedtime, while in others, sleep boundaries may be more flexible.
Why does this matter? As Dr. Ievers-Landis, a clinical psychologist, says, “It’s good to be exposed to different ways of doing things, different foods, different ways of having a meal and different ways of interacting. It’s healthy not always to do things the same way.” Sleepovers expose your children to different lifestyles and routines.
Sleepovers Give Parents Time To Connect On Their Own
Sleepovers have numerous benefits for kids. However, parents can also benefit from sleepovers, by receiving kid free evening and night.
Look, this isn’t suggesting that parents foist their kids off at any sleepover to get a date night. However, 1/3rd of parents can’t even remember their last date. For parents who decline sleepovers due to anxiety about their child spending time away, it can be a strain on their marriage if that anxiety extends to other caregivers.
Sleepovers Are Fun
Finally, and perhaps most importantly to your child, sleepovers are fun. Your child may not need sleepovers to become a healthy, happy, confident adult. However, they would probably enjoy eating junk food, playing games, and spending more time with friends.
Before unilaterally banning sleepovers, consider this good old-fashioned fun and the other benefits they will miss out on if you do so. What kid couldn’t use more fun in their life?