Parenting styles have changed over the generations, as have society’s expectations and the way businesses meet those expectations.
One TikTok mom was planning a trip to Disney when she felt it all come together, completing a picture of why parenting has only gotten harder.
It’s a combination of areas where kids have more freedom and access than ever (the internet); areas where they have less freedom and access (outdoors in their own neighborhoods); and areas where the expectations are higher than ever (sports and other activities).
The Disney Problem
Sarah Biggers-Stewart says that things were much simpler when her parents’ generation planned a trip to Disney. Back then, you showed up at the park, bought tickets, and wandered.
When she tried to plan a visit for her kids, though, she says that she needed to book various activities weeks in advance and purchase tickets in advance to access the Lightning Lane passes, which allow guests to pay extra for shorter lines for certain attractions.
Afterward, though, as she looked back on this frantic planning and stringent timing, she realized that it was emblematic of how much harder parenting is now than it was a generation or so ago.
Schools & Sports
The TikToker’s view is that kids who participate in sports now are obligated to be much more devoted. There’s no more stickball in the park; it’s all sports through the school or rec, and kids must attend every practice. If you miss one, expect to be benched and shunned even for a good reason.
“We’re treating these 7-year-olds like they’re all going to go pro,” she says. “These 7-year-olds are talking about their protein intake, and their parents are being lectured by the coach about their protein intake!”
She says Schools are also more demanding of kids’ and parents’ time. Even parents who work full-time jobs and cannot attend events and parties have to find a way to do so, or “you will be the black sheep.”
There’s Evidence Supporting These Views
Parents spend more time parenting these days, and schools have higher expectations of parental involvement. Meanwhile, parents are having a stress crisis and struggling to put food on the table.
A UC Irvine study back in 2016 found that parents were spending more time with their kids than previous generations and that’s before COVID sent the kids and parents to work from home.
There are some very positive outcomes we can hope for from that, especially from the evidence that dads are spending more time parenting:
1965 dads spent a daily average of just 16 minutes with their kids, while today’s fathers spend about 59 minutes a day caring for them.
Are We Making Kids More Dependent?
At the same time, we can acknowledge that parents are burnt out and that kids spending less time on their own may have some negative outcomes. Edweek recently reported that teachers are witnessing a crisis of kids losing their independence.
Biggers-Stewart addresses this, too. She notes that kids have too much freedom on the internet, but parents can be accused of neglect for letting their kids walk to the store.
She references the case of Brittany Patterson, a Georgia mom who, according to ABC News, was arrested, handcuffed, and taken into custody after allowing her 11-year-old son to stay home alone. While he was at home, he took a short walk to a Dollar General store, and Patterson was accused of:
“…willingly and knowingly endanger[ing] her juvenile son’s bodily safety.”
Is It A Matter Of Perspective?
The TikTok mom acknowledges that some differences may be about perspective. After all, when she was a kid, maybe she didn’t see how much work it was for her parents to handle some of these same tasks.
She’s checked in with her parents, and they agree that some parts of this are genuine changes that have happened over generations. Some of it is also clearly documented in long-term studies, such as the one above, which shows parents spending more time parenting than they did in previous generations.
Check out her video below and see if you agree with her perspective. Is parenting harder now because of higher expectations? (Content warning for language.)