If you’re a parent, you’ve probably experienced the discomfort, embarrassment, and sense of helplessness that comes when your small child falls apart in public.
Some kids have more tantrums, meltdowns, and emotional outbursts at home than others. For generations, it has been common to write these behaviors off as manipulative and attempt to stop them through punishment, but is your child misbehaving and acting out, or is his body out of his control?
A recent study examines how kids with ADHD develop emotional regulation, and finds that it may not happen at the same rate as in other kids.
Is It A Tantrum Or A Meltdown?
A lot of information on tantrums and meltdowns (and the difference between the two) comes from the autistic community, although meltdowns are certainly not exclusive to autistic kids (and adults). In fact, there is a lot of overlap and comorbidity between autism and ADHD, so often, information gleaned from the experiences of one group can be helpful more broadly.
According to Psychology Today, the differences between a tantrum and a meltdown can be broken down into three parts — the cause, the motivation, and the resolution. In short, a tantrum is generally caused by a want (a toy, a treat, a trip to the playground), while a meltdown is caused by overload and may not have a single identifiable trigger. A tantrum can be motivated to continue until the want is met, and the individual will generally have a degree of control over their actions, while in a meltdown, there may be self-injurious behavior that the individual regrets later, and they may not even be fully aware of their surroundings. A tantrum can stop because the person gets what they wanted or because they realize the tactic isn’t working, but a meltdown may only stop when some of the stimuli (bright lights, loud noise, etc) is removed.
In progress, though, especially in a young child, the two might be hard to tell apart, especially to a casual observer. Though there are differences, the terms are often used interchangeably.
Emotional Regulation In Kids With ADHD
Symptoms of ADHD may be noticeable in preschool-aged kids, but it often isn’t diagnosed until the symptoms start causing difficulty at school.
Often, the symptoms that earn a diagnosis are the ones that make the condition unbearable not for the child but for those around him—fidgeting, inattentiveness, impulsive behaviors, misplacing belongings, and a low tolerance for frustration. Symptoms that may be more internalized, like excessive worrying, anxiety, or sadness, can be overlooked.
However, a new study finds that kids who show an inability to control their emotions and reactions at a young age are likely also to show other symptoms of ADHD, even if they’re not officially diagnosed. Behaviors that look like acting out or tantrums may be related to slower development of emotional regulation skills. Science Daily reported:
“Findings showed that a tendency to have extreme emotional responses and slower development in the ability to regulate those emotions was significantly associated with ADHD symptoms, internalising symptoms, and conduct problems in both male and female children at age seven…This was the case even when other factors such as data on any pre-existing neurodevelopmental and mental health issues were taken into account.”
Emotional Regulation Difficulties Can Look A Lot Like Behavioral Problems
The new study examined data from more than 14k families in the UK, focusing on kids whose families provided information from age two through at least age seven.
Kids who later showed additional signs or symptoms of ADHD had higher incidences of what were labeled “conduct problems,” including tantrums, lying or being argumentative, fighting with other kids, and stealing or behaving in “spiteful” ways. In addition to struggles with attentiveness, the study noted a higher rate of emotional symptoms, such as “often complaining of headaches, stomach-aches or sickness; having many worries; being often unhappy, down-hearted, or tearful; being nervous or clingy in new situations; and having many fears, being easily scared.”
The data strongly suggests that the behaviors deemed ‘conduct problems’ could be the direct result of this emotional dysregulation. That, in turn, would suggest that helping kids learn to regulate those emotions and providing environments where it’s safe to do so would be more helpful than attempts to discipline the behaviors away.
How Can We Predict A Meltdown Before It Happens?
If your child is prone to tantrums or meltdowns and you’re seeing other signs that this may be a struggle with emotional regulation, it’s a good idea to speak to your pediatrician and find out whether an evaluation for ADHD or other conditions would be appropriate.
With or without a diagnosis, though, there are steps parents can take to help keep their child regulated. This doesn’t mean that parents are walking on eggshells and trying to prevent every disappointment or never telling their child no! It means that parents and caregivers are alert and aware that the child needs extra help with this skill—the same way they might help another child dress, feed himself, or clean up his toys if he didn’t have those skills mastered.
Abbey Neuropsychology Clinic shares that some common signs a child is becoming emotionally dysregulated might be increased restlessness and fidgeting, difficulty maintaining attention, behaviors that seem ‘careless,’ or tension and agitation. Parents and other caregivers can familiarize themselves with the triggers that cause this, which can include unexpected changes in routine (or even changes in routine that have been discussed and planned in advance); transitions from one activity or location to another; hunger; or lack of adequate sleep, just to name a few.
Remember, these can vary and may be different for every child — these are just a few of the more common triggers.
How Do We Help Our Children Practice Emotional Regulation?
When you recognize that your child is struggling and acknowledge that, you’re helping him realize it, too. Over time, he’ll learn to identify those signs on his own. (Struggles with emotional regulation can continue into adulthood, but teenagers and adults may have more practice recognizing the signs and removing themselves from a situation or using tools like headphones or fidget toys to help avoid meltdowns, though they can still happen.)
When you see the signs of an impending meltdown, you can help your child regulate by altering the stimuli around him. You can remove him from the situation, offer him headphones, a snack, or a soft blanket, speak softly to him about what he’s feeling and experiencing, and empathize with his experience.
Along the way, you can teach him coping methods, like deep breathing or grounding techniques. Help him stop and identify things his senses are experiencing.
The University of Rochester Medical Center recommends the 5-4-3-2-1 coping technique. In this technique, a person (sometimes with the help of a caregiver, therapist, or other helper) stops and identifies five things they can see, four things they can feel, three things they can hear, two things they can smell, and one thing they can taste.
Finding a way to use the energy or frustration up or to express those feelings can help, too — painting, drawing, talking or writing about their feelings, or going outside to run around or jump up and down all might help stave off a meltdown.
While it will vary for every child, understanding that the behavior isn’t simply something your child is doing to those around him but something happening to him is a good first step.
