Parenting advice is everywhere, but unfortunately, not all of it is rooted in science—or even reality. Myths about raising children often get passed down through generations (as well as social media), but believing these misconceptions can do more harm than good.
From outdated discipline tactics to misconceptions about love and independence, it’s time to separate fact from fiction. Let’s bust 10 of the most common parenting myths backed by psychological research.
You Should Always Praise Your Child
Praising your child seems like a no-brainer, but too much praise—or the wrong kind—can backfire. Research by psychologist Carol Dweck shows that outcome-focused praise, like “You’re so smart,” may lead kids to fear failure and avoid challenges. They might begin to associate their value with achievement, which creates pressure to always perform perfectly.
The myth here is that all praise is good praise. In reality, blanket or hollow praise can undermine a child’s resilience. Instead of boosting confidence, it can actually foster perfectionism and discourage effort if they begin to associate their value with a particular outcome.
Try this instead: Focus on the process. Instead of saying, “You’re the best artist,” try, “I love how you spent so much time perfecting the details in your drawing.” This encourages persistence, problem-solving, and a growth mindset. It teaches kids that effort matters more than perfection.
When kids are recognized for their hard work and resourcefulness, they’re more likely to take on challenges and persevere through setbacks. The goal is to celebrate their journey, not just the outcome. This helps children feel confident and capable in all areas of life.
Good Parents Never Say No
The idea that being a good parent means always saying “yes” may stem from a fear of upsetting your child. While it might seem like indulging every request fosters happiness, research shows otherwise. Permissive parenting—avoiding limits or saying “no”—can lead to poor self-regulation, entitlement, and difficulty handling disappointment later in life.
Saying “no” isn’t about being harsh; it’s about teaching important life skills. Boundaries help children understand limits, build self-discipline, and develop delayed gratification—key traits linked to success and emotional well-being. When children never face denial, they miss the opportunity to learn how to manage frustrations.
Try this instead: Reframe “no” as an act of love and guidance. If setting limits with your children brings up feelings of guilt or fear for you, take a moment to breathe and tend to your emotions first, before approaching your child. Then, communicate the boundaries or limits with your child in a firm but empathetic way.
For example, if your child wants a toy on every shopping trip, say, “Not today, but let’s save up for something special.” This teaches them about patience and value without dismissing their desires outright. Pair limits with empathy by acknowledging their feelings: “I know it’s hard to wait, but you’re learning how to make great choices.”
By setting firm but fair boundaries, you’re not being a “mean” parent—you’re preparing your child to navigate life with resilience and confidence.
Tough Love Builds Character
The idea that strict discipline builds resilience is a popular myth, but research shows it can do more harm than good. Harsh parenting, including excessive criticism or punitive measures, typically leads to low self-esteem, anxiety, and difficulties with emotional regulation. Research suggests that children who have overly strict or authoritarian parents are more likely to develop behavioral issues and struggle with healthy relationships later in life.
Resilience isn’t born from fear—it grows in an environment where children feel supported and understood, even when they make mistakes. Tough love might seem effective in the short term, but long-term character is built through a combination of structure and loving support.
Try this instead: Practice “firm but fair” parenting. Set clear expectations and follow through with consequences, but balance this with warmth and reassurance. For example, if your teen misses curfew, calmly explain why curfews exist and enforce a consequence, such as reduced privileges. Simultaneously, remind them that you’re doing it because you care about them and want them to be safe.
Children thrive when they know love is unconditional, even in the face of mistakes. Parenting that blends accountability with empathy isn’t weak; it helps kids develop resilience and emotional strength.
Babies Manipulate You When They Cry
The notion that babies cry to manipulate their caregivers seriously needs to go. For starters, babies lack the cognitive ability for complex, manipulative thought. They’re simply using the tools they have—crying—to communicate their needs, whether it’s hunger, discomfort, or the desire for connection. Second, this myth is detrimental to the attachment between child and caregiver. Research on attachment theory shows that consistently responding to a baby’s cries fosters a secure attachment, which lays the foundation for emotional resilience and trust later in life.
Ignoring a baby’s cries in an attempt to “teach independence” doesn’t help them develop autonomy; instead, it can teach them that their needs might not be met. Dr. John Bowlby, a pioneer in attachment theory, emphasized that responsive caregiving is crucial for a child’s emotional well-being and future ability to form healthy relationships.
Try this instead: When your baby cries, respond with empathy. Check for specific needs, provide comfort, or simply hold them to reassure them of your presence. This doesn’t “spoil” them; it helps them feel secure and supported. Over time, babies who experience consistent caregiving learn to self-soothe naturally, building the confidence and emotional stability needed for independence later in life.
More Activities Mean Smarter Kids
The belief that a jam-packed schedule guarantees a bright future is a common parenting myth. While extracurriculars can enrich a child’s life, overloading kids’ calendars can lead to stress and burnout. According to research, unstructured time is important for fostering creativity, problem-solving skills, and emotional well-being. Downtime is also critical for cognitive development, as it allows kids to process emotions and build resilience.
When every moment is accounted for, children miss the opportunity to explore their interests, recharge, and develop independence. Overscheduled kids may excel in the short term but risk growing up to associate productivity with self-worth, a mindset that can contribute to anxiety and burnout in adulthood.
Try this instead: Strike a balance between structured activities and free time. Let your child guide some of their choices. If they love soccer but feel overwhelmed by piano lessons, allow them to prioritize. Encourage unstructured play or quiet time to help them decompress and tap into their creativity. Remember, it’s not the quantity of activities but the quality of experiences that enrich your child’s growth and well-being. Sometimes, a slower pace is the smartest path forward.
Spanking is Effective Discipline
The myth that spanking is an effective form of discipline has been widely debunked. While some believe physical punishment teaches children to respect authority or behave, decades of psychological research show the opposite. Studies consistently indicate that spanking increases the likelihood of aggressive behavior, emotional difficulties, and a weakened parent-child bond. In fact, children who are spanked are more likely to engage in antisocial behaviors, have poor emotional regulation, and experience mental health challenges later in life.
Spanking may seem like a quick fix, but it doesn’t teach children the valuable skills they need to navigate difficult situations. Even if it may curb unwanted behavior in the moment, it doesn’t promote understanding or long-term change. Instead, it can cause children to fear or resent their parents, which erodes the trust and connection essential for healthy development.
Try this instead: Model the behaviors you want to see in your child. If you don’t want your child to resort to physical aggression, you shouldn’t use it either. Instead, implement positive discipline techniques that focus on teaching rather than punishing. Time-ins—where the child is invited to sit with you and reflect on their actions—encourage self-awareness and accountability. Natural consequences, such as losing privileges for not following rules, can also teach children the impact of their actions. By using compassionate, firm guidance, you foster an environment where learning and emotional growth thrive, and the parent-child relationship remains strong.
Boys Will Be Boys
The phrase “boys will be boys” is often used to excuse aggression or emotional outbursts among boys, and it reinforces harmful stereotypes about masculinity. This myth implies that boys are naturally less empathetic, and it can discourage boys from developing emotional intelligence. Psychological research debunks this entire notion. In fact, boys are just as capable of empathy, self-control, and emotional regulation as girls—when these skills are nurtured.
Excusing behavior with this cliché dismisses accountability and limits boys’ potential to grow into emotionally aware individuals. Over time, boys who are taught to suppress their emotions or avoid vulnerability may struggle with communication and relationships. Additionally, normalizing aggressive or reckless behavior as “just being a boy” can lead to a lack of accountability, making it harder for them to navigate boundaries and social expectations as they grow.
Try this instead: Encourage boys to express their emotions openly and provide guidance when they make mistakes. Focus on accountability by explaining the impact of their actions on others. For example, you might say, “When you grabbed that toy, it upset your friend. What could you do differently next time?” By fostering emotional awareness and responsibility, you equip boys with the tools to build meaningful relationships and thrive as empathetic, emotionally intelligent individuals.
Too Much Love Spoils a Child
This outdated myth suggests that showering children with love and affection will make them spoiled or entitled, but research tells a very different story. Love isn’t what spoils children—indulgence without boundaries does. Children may develop a sense of entitlement when parents set no limits and fulfill every whim. However, love, in the form of consistent affection, attention, and support, is absolutely necessary for healthy emotional and psychological development.
Studies in developmental psychology consistently show that children who experience unconditional love form secure attachments. This is linked to higher self-esteem, better emotional regulation, and stronger relationships throughout life. On the other hand, children who lack consistent love and attention are more likely to develop attachment issues, anxiety, or behavioral problems. Loving your child abundantly doesn’t mean saying “yes” to everything; it means showing them they are valued and cared for while also teaching them responsibility and limits.
Try this instead: Love freely, but pair your affection with structure and clear expectations. For instance, you can express love by saying, “I care about you, and that’s why I can’t let you skip your homework.” This approach teaches children that love is constant, but it comes with guidance and accountability, helping them grow into secure, emotionally intelligent individuals.
Kids Need to Learn Independence Early
Encouraging independence is a worthy goal, but rushing it can do more harm than good. Pushing children to be self-reliant too early can create unnecessary stress and undermine their emotional development. Children thrive when they develop autonomy in a context of safety, trust, and support. Forcing independence prematurely can lead to feelings of insecurity or anxiety, making kids less likely to take healthy risks in the future.
Parentification—a situation where children are given responsibilities or emotional burdens typically handled by adults—can also set the stage for problems later in life. Children who are parentified often learn to suppress their needs to care for others, which can lead to challenges in forming healthy relationships and asking for help as adults. While they may appear capable, hyper-independence can mask underlying anxiety or unresolved emotional pain.
Independence isn’t about pushing kids to sink or swim—it’s about teaching them to wade into the water with a trusted hand nearby.
Try this instead: Support your child’s growing independence by allowing them to set the pace. For instance, if your child is hesitant to join a group activity, let them observe from the sidelines until they’re ready to participate. Offer reassurance by saying, “Take your time; I’m right here if you need me.” This balance of support and encouragement helps children build confidence and independence naturally without feeling rushed.
Do As I Say, Not As I Do
Kids are sponges, constantly soaking up the behaviors and attitudes of the adults around them. Research shows that children learn more from what they observe than what they’re told, making this phrase a recipe for confusion. If you tell your child to be patient but snap at the slightest inconvenience or scold them for watching too much TV when you’re guilty of the same thing, they’re likely to emulate your actions over your words.
This inconsistency can erode trust and make it harder for kids to internalize important values. They may question why the rules apply to them but not to you, leading to frustration or defiance. It also sends mixed signals that weaken the lesson you’re trying to teach.
Try this instead: Be intentional about modeling the behaviors you want to see in your child. If you value kindness, demonstrate it in your daily interactions. If you encourage healthy coping mechanisms, let your child witness you practicing them. And when you falter (because nobody’s perfect), take ownership of your actions. A heartfelt “I didn’t handle that well—I’ll try to do better” teaches accountability and reinforces that learning is a lifelong journey.
