We all need breaks, and let’s be honest: If you’re a parent, especially the primary caregiver, you probably don’t get enough of them.
Then, when we do take breaks, we come back to parenting still tired and frustrated. We may find that we’re still getting overwhelmed quickly and not ready at all to get back to the work of parenting. (It’s a joy, but it’s still work!)
The truth is, some parts of parenting will always be stressful and instantly exhausting, but taking proper breaks that help refresh us can make it a bit easier.
Make It A Real Break
There’s so much to do. Always.
Author Jean Little coined the rhyme in the early 1900s, “A man can work from sun to sun, but a woman’s work is never done.” For 2025, the gender roles may have shifted a little, but it’s still true that the person responsible for the bulk of childcare and housework never sees an end.
If the other parent tries to offer a ‘break’ by taking the kids out for the day, you may still find yourself doing parenting work, like prepping school lunches, checking bedrooms for laundry, and making beds.
Sometimes it is nice to do those things without little hands pulling things back out of the washer, interruptions to referee sibling wars, and constant noise, but you also need real breaks, in which you do something relaxing or enjoyable — not more work.
Engage Your Brain
Even when we step away from parenting tasks, it’s natural that our kids stay on our minds. You have likely had those times when you go shopping and even though you’re supposed to be having downtime, you find yourself in the children’s clothing shopping clearance racks, instead of browsing for your own joy.
Engaging your brain thoroughly can help. This doesn’t mean you should stop thinking about your kids, but it does mean you can focus on something other than the duties of parenting.
Maybe this means reading a good book, solving a crossword puzzle, joining an exercise class or sport that requires your full attention, journaling, or playing an intense video game.
Whatever it is for you, pick something that absorbs you thoroughly and engages your brain.
Turn Off The Guilt
According to Benjamin Franklin, death and taxes are the only things certain in this world. You can add a heavy sense of responsibility and guilt to the list for many parents.
Turning this off isn’t easy. It’s deeply ingrained that humans are supposed to be doing productive things and that we’re supposed to be focused on parenting, pretty much 24/7. Yet, we all know this isn’t healthy.
Remind yourself that taking care of yourself is a part of being a healthy parent and member of society. Your kids need parents who meet their needs, including rest and self-care.
Have Adult Social Time
How many of us have been sitting in a group of adults and caught ourselves accidentally parenting?
Maybe you’ve said something like, “Oops, let’s move that glass away from the edge of the table,” only to realize that the owner of the glass in question is not your 7-year-old but your employer, who is now staring at you in confusion. Or maybe it was “Have fun and be careful!” to your spouse heading out to work.
These incidents emphasize how much parenting has become our norm, until we’re not even sure how to engage in adult conversation anymore.
We need to take time with adults to talk about things other than diapers, baby food, and breastfeeding. We all need time to talk about sports, politics, books, or philosophy—whatever you’d be chatting about if you didn’t have to get back to wiping noses and prepping sippy cups in an hour or two.
Set Boundaries
Every parent’s needs for alone time are different.
Some parents are perfectly content to have their toddlers join them in the bathroom, while others must be alone to carry out personal needs. You might need five uninterrupted minutes after work before entering the home chaos. One parent might be okay with changing diapers while on hold on an important call, and another might need to stay focused during that time.
Whatever it is you need to be a functioning and healthy adult while also meeting your kids’ needs, set those boundaries.
It is okay to put your child in a safe place — the crib, the playpen, your partner’s arms — and leave him there while you shower. It is okay to tell your older child they cannot shout through the bathroom door or interrupt during a phone call. Most diapers can wait five minutes if necessary (and you know the exceptions).
Wherever the lines are for you, as long as your kids are also safe and healthy, set those boundaries and keep them. Parents are allowed to have boundaries, too.
Stop Comparing Your Real Life To Others’ Imaginary Ones
What other parents share on social media, blogs, and at PTA meetings isn’t their whole existence.
Linda might talk about having her baby potty trained at 18 months, Kate’s toddler never cries, and Jessica’s house looks perfect on Pinterest, but they’re just as human as you are. You need to understand that Linda is also worried about her baby’s speech development, Kate has had multiple conversations with her pediatrician about her concerns about that perfect toddler, and Jessica takes those photos after madcap cleaning sessions.
You can’t compare your whole life to glimpses of someone else’s. If you do, you’ll never have a real break, because you’ll spend all your time worrying about what you’re not doing.
Remind yourself that you’re doing your best to meet your child’s needs and that your best is okay.
Eat Something Healthy But Enjoyable
How often do you eat a hot meal from beginning to end, without getting up to refill someone’s milk cup, cut up someone’s chicken, or help a small child with a bathroom trip? If you’re like many moms, you also may not get to finish your entire meal yourself, because the same food item on your plate looks so much more appealing to your toddler than the serving on theirs.
However, we also know that nutritional deficiencies contribute to irritability, exhaustion, and difficulty regulating mood and response. Plus, it’s just nice to eat a meal while it’s hot sometimes.
So, get yourself a fancy salad, a nice steak, or even just a turkey sandwich with your favorite vegetable toppings—whatever meal sounds like a pleasant treat. And yes, have dessert if you like, without anyone demanding a bite!
Give Yourself Permission To Relax
Choose yoga, a massage, a long bath, a cup of hot tea, a quiet walk, or any combination of the above. Take some deep breaths, and choose to let the tension out of your body.
It’s hard to turn off the sensation of alert, of being prepared. It’s hard to shower with your newborn in the other room and not feel like you’re stretching your ears to hear the faintest whimper, even if your partner is caring for said newborn. It’s hard to drop your child off at school and not be on alert for calls or messages from the teacher. It’s hard to watch your teenager leave the house and not sit and worry about their safety.
However, you can permit yourself to relax; it just has to be an active decision. Deep breathing exercises, grounding practices, and other relaxation techniques can help.
If you can’t afford to join a yoga class or book a massage, find an app that walks you through grounding or deep breathing practices!
Embrace Gratitude
When you’re overwhelmed, it’s hard to think of anything positive. However, practicing this is a learnable skill.
Psychologist Martin Seligman experimented with different techniques to improve happiness. One involves taking the time each evening to write down three positive things that happened during the day. He found that people who participated in this exercise were happier and had more joy in their lives.
Using this or similar activities to embrace positivity and acknowledge the best things in your life can help smooth the transition back into the day’s responsibilities!
Plan Ahead
When a break suddenly surprises you, you can feel shocked and confused. Wait, the toddler who hasn’t napped in months suddenly decided it’s a good day for an afternoon sleep? Now what?
You find yourself in a sudden decision crisis: Should you nap, catch up on dishes, watch a TV show that you normally miss because your kid wants to watch Bluey, or shower?
So, plan, both for scheduled and surprise breaks. Use a notepad or your phone’s memo function to keep a list of shows you want to see. Pencil a day on your calendar for a trip to the fancy coffee shop and a day to enjoy the park.
Make yourself a list of things you like to do that make you happy, because, bizarre as it may seem, when you’re overwhelmed, it can be hard to remember any of those things.
Make Breaks A Regular Part Of Your Schedule
Don’t just take breaks when they come to you by chance; you’ll never get enough breaks to keep functioning.
Schedule time for yourself. Find out what days and hours your gym offers childcare, trade days with your sister to keep each other’s kids, talk to your spouse, and plan twenty minutes each of alone time after work, or, in whatever way works for you, put down time that is yours for relaxing.
You already schedule things that you prioritize — you know what hours you can go to the grocery store, which hours you give to your employer, and what hours you’ll spend taking the car for an oil change and weeding the vegetable garden. Now, you also need to prioritize your care, which means gifting yourself this time and making it a regular thing!
Taking some time for yourself during the holidays is also essential, so we wrote a guide with advice from experts on how to prioritize self-care during the holidays.