Teenagers center their existence around their social lives, and when parents disrupt those plans, they’re understandably frustrated.
Now teens call it the “two-weekend rule” or, in some cases, the “two-night rule,” as they complain about strict parents. They feel these limitations are unfair, but teens and parents sometimes really struggle to see from each others’ perspectives.
So, what is the two-weekend rule, and is it appropriate to implement it for your teens, or should they have more freedom?
The Two-Weekend Rule Explained
On Tik-Tok and other social media apps, teens complain that their parents are stifling them by implementing rules that limit how often they can go out with friends.
Specifically, the two-weekend rule says that a teen cannot go out and do social activities two weekends in a row. The two-night rule variation only allows teens out one night per weekend.
These rules may be implemented independently or with a curfew or other restrictions. However, one consistency in these teens’ complaints seems to be that parents impose the rule without discussion or explanation.
The other consistency is that teens feel stifled and controlled by it, complaining about their parents’ strictness and perceived unfairness.
Teen Perspectives Vs. Parent Perspectives
From a parent’s perspective, our teens are going nonstop.
We drop them off at school, pick them up from school, take them to extracurricular activities, and then maybe to the library or to pick up materials for a school project. Then they’re popping over to a friend’s house or biking down to see if anyone is at the basketball court — and if they have a driver’s license, there are even more trips on the agenda.
They may feel that their child needs to spend some time at home with family or at least to take a break from constant busyness.
From a teen’s perspective, they spend most of their waking hours all week doing what the adults demand. They go to school, they go to extracurriculars, where, even if they’re attending for their own interest, they’re on an adult’s schedule, and then they do homework and chores.
Their perspective tends to be that the weekend is the handful of hours every week that genuinely belong to them, so when an adult starts regulating how they spend those hours, it feels intrusive.
Some Limits Are Necessary
Parents have a duty to raise children who have learned responsibility and self-sufficiency, but we must also protect our kids. That’s a tricky balance.
The reason for limiting your kids’ social outings could be that you know they need more downtime or that being out on Sunday evening affects their Monday mornings. One psychologist told SheKnows that it’s a good strategy for parents who want to help their kids avoid social burnout or over-commitment.
On the other hand, it might just be that you, as a parent and caregiver, know that you need a night off from wondering where they are and staying available for an emergency contact. For some parents, it might be as simple as believing that the same rules they grew up with should be implemented.
Every family will reach their own conclusions about which reasons are legitimate. There’s one teen complaint, though, that parents may simplify their own lives by addressing.
The Consistent Complaint From Teens
As I scrolled through videos of teenagers discussing the rules they believe are too strict, many complained that parents say they “can’t have fun two nights in a row” or that they’re only allowed to go out every other weekend. They had other complaints, too, like curfews, sleepover bans, and rules that they can only visit a friend whose parents are home.
One consistent complaint kept cropping up, though: these rules are imposed without explanation or reason that the teens are hearing and understanding.
We know that authoritarian parenting styles tend to have adverse effects on behavior and mental health. We also hear from adults who were raised with strict authoritarian parenting and now say the primary ‘lesson’ they learned was how to be better at sneaking and lying.
There’s a simple tool that parents can use to shift from authoritarian parenting to authoritative, warm parenting that raises the most resilient children: conversation.
Involve Your Child In The Rules & Boundaries You Set
Whether you let your teen hang out with friends 7 nights a week or one night every two weeks, you can talk to them about the rules, why they are in place, and your child’s feelings about them.
Letting your child express why they feel the rules are stifling does not mean you have to change your mind (although you might, in some cases). Instead, it assures your child that you care about their feelings, even if the rules you implement are ones they don’t like.
Keeping open conversations will also make it easier for your child to tell you their problems and help them understand the limitations you set.
They may even engage in solution-seeking, such as taking a part-time job if your reasoning for the limits is financial or bringing their friends over to meet you first if your concerns are more social. Even if you don’t act on their suggestions, the effort to find solutions builds essential life skills.